2009 Sucks

When Isaac was leaving America at the end of October 2008, I already knew that 2009 was going to suck. At that time, I actually thought we'd be able to see each other at least once or twice this year but that still didn't seem like enough.
That has changed. In the beginning of this year we came to the realization that we can't see each other AT ALL (in person) this year. It would cost too much and we need the money for his moving here and our marriage and everything. And immigration is stressful and hard to deal with. If a couple wasn't strong enough, this process would really split them apart I'm sure. We're doing well though, we have to work together.
So if that's not sucky enough...
People keep dying all over. Not just celebs, mind you. Neighbor, grandpa, people. Not people I'm necessarily that close to but still more than I'm used to. Ziggy got horribly sick and that was scary. Now my dog Daisy is really hurt in her rib area. She can't roll over or lay on her side and we can't pick her up without her crying.
Plus my mom getting that twisted ovary and going to the hospital for a while with a while of thinking it could be an cancerous cyst.
And while we are trying to pay that off, I had to go to the doctor for something that I won't even talk about. More money. Keep having to have my blood drawn. Even MORE money. And now taking hormone pills because I'm a man... EVEN MORE MONEY. It's hard to stay calm about this stuff when you also have to think about the fact that it's bloody expensive!
Plus, Jon and Kate separating and all that shit. Seriously, that bothers me. I am officially on Kate's side of things. Jon needs to grow up.
That kind of lined up with my friend Celsie and her ex. They have a wonderful daughter and were going to get married back in like May or something. Well, they broke up. They are still friends and he isn't abandoning their daughter, he takes her every other week. It's just sad.

I might just be focusing too much on the bad and not on the good but seriously, I am not liking this year. I can't wait until 2010 because I feel that will be a good one.

In other news, my 21st birthday is on the 7th of August which is a week and a day ahead. Too bad I work that day, and all the days around it.

Bike seat / edit

My dad originally thought that for what ever reason, the new bike saddle wouldn't fit on my bike. He has put bike seats on before, so I assumed he knew what he was saying. Yesterday before taking my seat in he realized that it does, in face, fit. He just saw it differently at first.
Yay! Now I have a comfortable bike seat.

In other news, I'm sore from cleaning the clearance fabrics yesterday. Those are always a pain because customers don't even bother to even try and keep it nice. It's also in the back and low priority on our fabric straightening so we neglect it as well and it isn't kept up but we recently had a bunch of fabric go on clearance so I needed to make room for it. *Pats self on back* I like it better when I'm not given a job, I just decide to do it. Heh.

Sick Ziggy, wedding dress, and a sore ass!

It has been almost 2 weeks since I've updated but it feels like longer, for whatever reason.
It's really hot in here and I have the fan blowing directly on my face but this blocks out any sound coming from around me. My mom just walked up behind and said something and it scared the crap out of me. Not literally, ew.
My week has been pretty hectic... but more mentally hectic than anything. I mean, I worked and was busy but I was constantly worried.
Ziggy has been sick for a while now. She had diarrhea and some days would seem alright and some days would just sleep. I should have taken her into the vet at that point. I am kicking myself for not. Well last Friday, the 17th, I woke up to see her on the bottom of the cage lying down with her head facing all the way up. She wouldn't put it down, just move it side to side. I've always heard about birds going to the bottom of the cage when dying so I assumed this was it.
I spent that day crying and holding her in a shirt. She wouldn't eat or drink water and only tumbled around a little on the bottom of the cage.
The next day, her head was no longer looking up but she still couldn't walk. She just slept, wrapped in the shirt and I called in work so I could take care of her. She began eating some millet but seemed almost too weak to chew much. I had to hold her over the water to get her to drink.
By Sunday she was eating the millet on her own after crawling over to it. I still had to help her to her water. She seemed bored at one point, pushing a ball around a tiny bit with her head. She also slept slightly less but still couldn't walk or perch.
I'm sure you get the idea. Still bad, but not great.
I finally got her into the vet on Wednesday morning. $164 later, she had her nails clipped, blood drawn, 2 shots, and all that jazz. We also went home with a medication and new organic bird food. I should have been giving them pellets this whole time, not seeds.

The vet said that she has some kind of neurological problem. The blood results came in yesterday and he suspects it may be lead poisoning. My question is, from what? Peter shows no signs and I don't know what Ziggy could have gotten into that he didn't. I always monitor when they are out.
Well today Ziggy is perching and is able to balance. She goes down to eat and drink on her own. She also won't shut up sometimes, she keeps singing which she hasn't done in a while. I put her back with Peter and they are staying side by side. It's so cute and I feel really relieved. I'm still worried because I don't know what the lead poisoning could be from. I am trying to think if there's anything new she's been chewing on (well, new at the time that the signs started).

In other news, I got my wedding dress! I'm more excited about this fact than I thought I'd be.It fits perfectly around my body but obviously needs to be hemmed. I thought I'd have to buy it myself but after making a deal with my mom to go 50/50, she ended up deciding she'd pay for it all. Isaac and I have to pay the wedding though. Not sure how much help we'll get with that. Oh well! But the dress is really nice, and simple. I like it. You guys will see a picture, I'm sure, but not until after the wedding. This means you'll have to wait until next year!
I went shopping with Lindsay the day before and I didn't see a single thing I liked. But the next day I went back to David's Bridal with my mom and I tried on a few, falling in love with the second dress. It was all really awkward for me though. I am not used to getting any attention from employees when trying on clothing so being the only one in the store and having all eyes on me was just weird. I'm really shy, so I'm sure I looked awkward.
The lady who helped me was nice though and seemed to understand what I was looking for, unlike other stores I went in. I went in an hour before closing and walked out of there with the dress in my arms before the store even closed! They called me a power shopper, my mind was made up. She even hand wrote me a letter a few days later!

I know they do it for everyone, but it's still thoughtful.

Lindsay and I rode our bikes for a few hours yesterday. We went a lot further than we thought we would. The ride there was fine but by the time we headed back I was just hot and tired and my butt hurt like a bitch. Those bike seats aren't made for women's wide set butt bones.
So today I went out and got a nice "womens" bike seat only to find out it doesn't work with the kind of pole I have. In fact, I'm not sure anything does. So my dad is taking it into a specialty bike store tomorrow for me and seeing if they have a replacement pole thing. Or if anything can be done. Seriously, my ass hurts like crazy right now and that's not fun.


P.S. If you don't have any Human Bean coffee places in your area you're missing out. I find so many coffee places to be way too expensive and not that great but I really love The Human Bean. The employees always seem to be nice PLUS you always get a chocolate covered coffee bean with it and that totally makes it a WIN.

Father

You know when someone has low expectations of you and no matter what you do, you can't please them? And you know how that makes you not even try because it doesn't matter either way anyway?
That kind of explains my relationship with my father.
No matter what I say, I make him angry for it. He always thinks I am saying things to him to piss him off or everything I DO is purely done to piss him off. I'm not even a bad "kid". I sanitize the remote and he gets angry at me. Seriously, I can't clean anything without him assuming it's because of the fact that he doesn't always wash his hands. Which maybe it sometimes IS for that reason, but it's rude of him to expect us to live with it. People clean things when they get gross, get used to it.
Or if he asks me a question and I don't answer with how he wants me to answer, he either has to get some mean last word in or he shakes his head and walks off. The thing is, he misinterprets EVERY THING I SAY. I can tell him it's hot outside and he'll find something insulting in that.
What makes it worse is he has this thing where he has to get the last word in and won't let me even speak so I can't clear up his misunderstanding.
So this leads to me not even wanting to BOTHER to talk to him. If I do, it ends up coming out of my mouth in a teenagerish sarcastic tone. Why? Because it's what he expects and it doesn't make a difference anyways.
I wish he would make an effort to not find an insult in every thing I do and say.

He really just doesn't know me. What he "knows" is that I "Sit on the computer all day". That's seriously one of the first things he tells people when he introduces me. Yeah, really nice. Hey Dad, ever consider that I spend most of that time talking to the man I love? He doesn't know what I do all day, he just assumes I spend it on the computer.
Well I know what he does all day (when he's not working). He watches tv. All the time. He spends as much time as I spend online watching tv. And at least going online works your brain and I'm interacting with people. How would you feel if everytime I was introducing you to someone I said, "This is dad. He watches tv."

My thoughts on MJ

I am a fan of Michael Jackson's music. I noticed that many people seem to only have come out as "fans" after his death and would have probably joked about him and some children just before it all happened which makes it almost hard to listen to him right now. I just feel like so many people suddenly like him and it angers me that they didn't care before.
I mean, I can understand and I'm sure they liked his music alright before hand but as with most people, he wasn't completely appreciated until after his death. I'm sure in a week or two many people will shut up about him and go back to listening to Jonas Brothers...
When I listen to him now I can't shake the feeling that I am ONLY doing it because he's what's popular right now. But SCREW that feeling! I listened to him even in the week BEFORE his death as with every week before THEN! I listened to and thoroughly enjoyed every second of his music. It's just so alive and emotional, the whole lot of it.
So if someone catches me listening to and dancing to Michael Jackson right now, it's nothing new...

Anyways, on from that rant. I watched the memorial today and I was in tears most of the time. Other times, I was almost ready to scream from awkwardness. People say that Brooke Shields brought them to tears but she just made me feel almost embarrassed. The way she spoke seemed like bad acting and it didn't move me at all. Maria Carey is unbearable for me to watch with those hand movements she can't seem to stop. And I loved that MJ's daughter spoke but the family reaching in moving the mic and Janet telling her to speak up made me so uncomfortable! All those hands reminded me of the Helping Hands on Labyrinth in the scene where Sarah is falling down and all the hands are reaching out to grab her, wtf! Just leave the girl alone, we could hear her fine and you're causing too much commotion!



But really, I thought it was a fitting public memorial for Michael Jackson.

Oh and over a year ago I made a video dressed as Charlie Chaplin dancing to "Bad" and I honestly had no idea there was any connection between Charlie and Michael. I had no idea MJ was a fan of CC! Fun times...

4th of July

Today we celebrate America's independence from Britain.

All I want is my British man here with me in America.