With the way things are going, this may be a one-post-a-month kind of year. Wow.
Things have stayed pretty much the same since last month's post. I'm getting more and more impatient with how time is moving and how bland my life is at the moment. Only now I can at least say that Isaac will be coming THIS MONTH.
F I N A L L Y.
Today has been like many days I've been having. My only thoughts are:
"I don't want to be here."
"How much closer until he gets here?"
"Oh I know what to do! ... Nevermind, I will do it later."
"Is it time for bed yet?"
Lame loser.
Also, I keep getting reminded about how awkward I am around people. This makes me feel sick.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Same shit...
I just realized I have only blogged once so far this year and it was on January 1st.
I can't really explain what it is. My head is so full of thoughts and stress that I just don't know what to SAY anymore. I'm afraid it will all come out as, "IDidiof dsif asop hoad aoisjdoi cnduivnfvyf vudfuivfndsnmoi!"
I was excited for this year AND I STILL AM but part of me forgot earlier that the cool stuff doesn't start until a few months into the year. Plus, this cool stuff will be combined with a lot of stress so I'm not sure I will always see how awesome it really is.
As of right now, my life is the same. It seems that the closer I am getting to seeing Isaac again, the more impatient and lonely I feel. It's really exciting, the thought of having him here with me, but I can't help wondering why we have to be so far apart. It actually makes me angry and sick to see happy couples walking around. It's as though I think that if I can't be with my love now, everyone has to feel this pain. I still have to go through my life on my own just waiting. Go to work, come home, eat, sleep, go online. It seems as though that's all I do. Well, throw in some mindless walks around stores just to waste time and you pretty much have my life.
I have a list of things I could do or should do during this time but I end up putting them all off. Writing and re-writing the same shit on my to-do list over and over again. Like my life is on hold, except the few things I have to do every day.
Where did my day go?
I can't really explain what it is. My head is so full of thoughts and stress that I just don't know what to SAY anymore. I'm afraid it will all come out as, "IDidiof dsif asop hoad aoisjdoi cnduivnfvyf vudfuivfndsnmoi!"
I was excited for this year AND I STILL AM but part of me forgot earlier that the cool stuff doesn't start until a few months into the year. Plus, this cool stuff will be combined with a lot of stress so I'm not sure I will always see how awesome it really is.
As of right now, my life is the same. It seems that the closer I am getting to seeing Isaac again, the more impatient and lonely I feel. It's really exciting, the thought of having him here with me, but I can't help wondering why we have to be so far apart. It actually makes me angry and sick to see happy couples walking around. It's as though I think that if I can't be with my love now, everyone has to feel this pain. I still have to go through my life on my own just waiting. Go to work, come home, eat, sleep, go online. It seems as though that's all I do. Well, throw in some mindless walks around stores just to waste time and you pretty much have my life.
I have a list of things I could do or should do during this time but I end up putting them all off. Writing and re-writing the same shit on my to-do list over and over again. Like my life is on hold, except the few things I have to do every day.
Where did my day go?
Friday, January 1, 2010
Welcome to 2010
My room is completely silent other than the sound of Peter and Ziggy shuffling around in their cage. I need music.
OK GOT MUSIC.
2009 was pretty lame for me.
Isaac and I didn't see each other the WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR. I mean in person, of course. We still saw each other a bunch on Skype. My whole year seemed to be a waste. There is so much I would like to do but rather do it with Isaac so I didn't really bother doing much at all. I have just been WAITING for 2010 to come. I hardly even saw any friends this year. It has been pretty lonely for me.
Loneliness just leaves me to think about everything and that begins to really stress me out.
I am wondering if all that has anything to do with the fact that I have a bunch of grey hairs that started growing in the beginning of the year. I didn't have any that I knew of in 2008!
2010 just looks nice and friendly and all I can look forward to is awesome stuff now. Isaac gets here in March (!!!!!!!) and we marry in May (!!) then I can finally stop spending so much time waiting for life to start and actually get to it.
Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on...
I will try to be less whiny this year.
Ok, additions to my new years wish list:
OK GOT MUSIC.
2009 was pretty lame for me.
Isaac and I didn't see each other the WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR. I mean in person, of course. We still saw each other a bunch on Skype. My whole year seemed to be a waste. There is so much I would like to do but rather do it with Isaac so I didn't really bother doing much at all. I have just been WAITING for 2010 to come. I hardly even saw any friends this year. It has been pretty lonely for me.
Loneliness just leaves me to think about everything and that begins to really stress me out.
I am wondering if all that has anything to do with the fact that I have a bunch of grey hairs that started growing in the beginning of the year. I didn't have any that I knew of in 2008!
2010 just looks nice and friendly and all I can look forward to is awesome stuff now. Isaac gets here in March (!!!!!!!) and we marry in May (!!) then I can finally stop spending so much time waiting for life to start and actually get to it.
Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on...
I will try to be less whiny this year.
Ok, additions to my new years wish list:
- Be less whiny in 2010.
- Get clothes I actually like and will wear and get rid of all the stuff I don't even like.
- Get more girlish clothes, like dresses. WEAR THEM. Stop settling for tshirts and jeans just because it's all I can find.
- Stop buying fabric until I use at least 1/2 of what I already have.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
New years
I never make resolutions but maybe I'll just make a list of things I would LIKE to do in 2010. Yes.
That's all I can think of off the top of my head at the moment. I will probably periodically post updates on my list.
- Really teach myself how to sew, then sew lots of stuff.
- Try to stay stress-free around our wedding date. I always told myself I wouldn't turn into Bridezilla, if something goes wrong then it's ok. Just as long as Isaac is there, I am there, and we get married. :)
- Organize my closet and the closet in the office.
- Get rid of craft items and fabric I always think I will use but never do. (Craigslist?)
- Wake up at extremely early and view the sunrise from a place with a nice view.
- Limit my Human Bean coffee spending. >_<
- Make more stuff and sell on Etsy again. Better stuff.
- Move out.
- Plan a reasonable budget that I can actually stick to.
- Make a video I can actually say I like.
- Find a job I'm actually happy with and earn more than minimum wage.
- Take on Yoga again.
- Get or make a thread spool holder. Whatever they are called.
- Go camping with Isaac.
- Hike Table Rock for the first time.
- Blog more.
That's all I can think of off the top of my head at the moment. I will probably periodically post updates on my list.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Not an update.
I just felt like doing it. Got a problem?
Put your iTunes on shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
When I'm Sixty-Four - The Beatles
Put your iTunes on shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
When I'm Sixty-Four - The Beatles
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Chant Of The Ever Circling Skeletal Family - David Bowie
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Walk on the Wild Side - Lou Reed
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Shapes of Things - Bowie
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Me by the Sea - Edie Brickell
WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Eight Line Poem - Bowie
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Let It Be - Beatles
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Wedding Song - David Bowie
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) - Arcade Fire
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
You Learn - Alanis Morissette
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Telling Lies - Bowie
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
One After 909 - Beatles
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hand of Doom - Black Sabbath
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
TVC 15 - Bowie
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dead Finks Don't Talk - Brian Eno
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Lady Stardust - Bowie
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST
Word on a Wing - Bowie
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dancing Machine - Jackson 5
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I'm Finding It Harder to be a Gentleman - White Stripes
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
A New Career in a New Town - Bowie
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Blow the House Down - Siouxie and the Banshees
--------
Some of those came out kind of interesting to me. I might do another. Get over it loserface. Haha.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Holidays are exhausting
It's great how working in retail really sucks every drop of fun out of the holidays. It's just so hectic and crazy and every one is just way too into all the material things for christmas and even thanksgiving. Can someone please track down the genius behind Black Friday? Oh. My. God.
It's like, "Here, have a day off for Thanksgiving just so you can worry about having to wake up at unreasonable hours the next morning and work your ass off for a bunch of greedy people!"
I'm just so excited, as you can tell.
I have yet to work Black Friday at my current place of employment but I hear about it a lot. There are people who say they stood in line for almost an hour and a half. Why? For some insane roller coaster or an awesome concert? NO! For some flannel and yarn! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Sales are great but COME ON.
Plus, many people seem to act as though these purchases are an emergency and they desperately NEED them. Really now. Calm the f down and get your priorities straight. I can't wait to see how bitchy they will act when THEY decide to go shopping before the sun comes up and THEY decided to wait in the line for something so unimportant. I just can't wait until after christmas is over. Things will go back to normal and there will be a lower amount of wolves out. Plus maybe I could have a chance to breathe.
It's like, "Here, have a day off for Thanksgiving just so you can worry about having to wake up at unreasonable hours the next morning and work your ass off for a bunch of greedy people!"
I'm just so excited, as you can tell.
I have yet to work Black Friday at my current place of employment but I hear about it a lot. There are people who say they stood in line for almost an hour and a half. Why? For some insane roller coaster or an awesome concert? NO! For some flannel and yarn! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Sales are great but COME ON.
Plus, many people seem to act as though these purchases are an emergency and they desperately NEED them. Really now. Calm the f down and get your priorities straight. I can't wait to see how bitchy they will act when THEY decide to go shopping before the sun comes up and THEY decided to wait in the line for something so unimportant. I just can't wait until after christmas is over. Things will go back to normal and there will be a lower amount of wolves out. Plus maybe I could have a chance to breathe.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow...
I'm trying to get the basic planning for our wedding out of the way so I won't have to worry about it later.
Things are going alright, kind of, but I've hit a bit of a road bump.
I forgot that many people in my family would have a problem with a secular wedding.
We aren't going to have a wedding that doesn't represent us, but at the same time I am so scared.
There are a couple family members that can't quite keep their mouths shut at ANY wedding and always cause problems. But uh oh, have a wedding without a mention of god in the ceremony and we may have a problem.
I mean, if they felt the need to pray for us or something, they could go ahead. But it will be OUR wedding day and if they have the nerve to make a problem during it then that would just be really immature.
Maybe they won't think that it's a real marriage. Well unfortunately for them, it is a real marriage regardless of whether there's a pastor or a judge holding it.
I may be jumping ahead in judging how people may react but I feel the need to prepare for it so it doesn't catch me off guard. I had a problem just now with my mom saying it's a shame we aren't having a christian ceremony. Sorry to disappoint you.
I either have a choice of disappointing them or having a ceremony that neither of us want.
WAAHHHHH
Things are going alright, kind of, but I've hit a bit of a road bump.
I forgot that many people in my family would have a problem with a secular wedding.
We aren't going to have a wedding that doesn't represent us, but at the same time I am so scared.
There are a couple family members that can't quite keep their mouths shut at ANY wedding and always cause problems. But uh oh, have a wedding without a mention of god in the ceremony and we may have a problem.
I mean, if they felt the need to pray for us or something, they could go ahead. But it will be OUR wedding day and if they have the nerve to make a problem during it then that would just be really immature.
Maybe they won't think that it's a real marriage. Well unfortunately for them, it is a real marriage regardless of whether there's a pastor or a judge holding it.
I may be jumping ahead in judging how people may react but I feel the need to prepare for it so it doesn't catch me off guard. I had a problem just now with my mom saying it's a shame we aren't having a christian ceremony. Sorry to disappoint you.
I either have a choice of disappointing them or having a ceremony that neither of us want.
WAAHHHHH
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