Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Vlog every day?

Yesterday I decided that today would be my day to be "crafty". I haven't done anything artistic in a while and I thought it'd be a good time. It's a bit complicated to work around talking Isaac for hours especially when I feel restricted on the computer so no conversation today, which is sad. But we will message a bit so it's all good.
I have some ideas of what I'm going to do but I'm just going to try to get in that zone. I miss being in the artsy mood! I know that the place I used to work really inspired me to be more artistic and that's yet ANOTHER thing that's good about it. Ahh!

So I noticed I seem to make a vlog about once a month now and I thought that whole "vlog everyday April" thing would be kind of.. interesting. I know it will make people unsubscribe but I kind of what to do it. For myself. No real set reasons though. I don't even know how it will work out and if I will actually be able to get myself to vlog EVERY DAY in April. Well, I'll think about it. I only have one day to think but we'll see. You guys will know whether I decide to do it or not obviously if I post a video tomorrow and stuff. I am a pretty lazy person and like to spend some days with crazy curly ugly hair or in PJs so I'm not sure how this will work out...

I made myself a hamburger and fries for lunch and I'm so stuffed. I couldn't finish it. I feel sick now, I'm not used to eating that much for lunch. BLAHH!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Caution: HOT!


I am eating Maruchan Instant Lunch which I don't really like that much but there's not much in the house that's "instant" and I'm not in the mood to make anything. Sad, I know. I probably won't eat much or anything, just until I'm no longer hungry. Personally, I prefer Top Ramen in the whole "Easy to make cheap unhealthy noodle" category. I know it's shit but I used to eat it dry sometimes. Just sprinkle on the seasoning and break off a piece. Whatever, I do what I want!

I haven't blogged in a while. I don't really have anything to say I guess. That never stopped me before, I never have anything to say.

I applied again at my old job. I was already thinking about it but then an anonymous person in my comments on here suggested I re-apply there. I got more encouragement to do so when I got a comment from an old co-worker telling me to come back. I went in yesterday to speak with the manager and she said that as soon as there is an opening, she's calling me. She tends to hire people when she already has too many employees so I might be getting the job back pretty soon. Who knows though, I'm just top of the list. She even took my application and put it on top of all the others but with it sticking up to make it stand out. :)

It made me feel good to have some of the people there seeming excited to see me. I think that's one reason it was nicer to work there. I don't seem to easily get along with people my age but most of the people there are.. well.. not as young as myself. Plus I've never seen a guy working there EVER and most men piss me off. Man, I'm picky aren't I? Maybe it's just people in my area though...

I really do hope I get that job back soon because I miss getting money. I constantly regret how I treated money when I first worked there. I just hadn't learned my lesson yet about it and I thought, "Ahh it's just $20" or just not even thinking. I am sure that I even spent about half the money I EARNED in the same store I worked in. How sad is that? I have so much more to save for now. I can't be just spending my money like it's nothing! I feel as though my view of money and how to manage it has really improved and I feel it won't be a big problem. But, gosh, I do miss all that money.

Enough money and job talk.

Sundays aren't really my favorite days. In fact, probably my least favorite. But today is going alright. I actually feel like I can relax today and be totally lazy. I'm surprised I'm not in pajamas! I wish I had chocolate around the house though because that crap sounds good. Mmmmmm. Or chocolate ice cream. But not just plain chocolate ice cream, I mean chocolate ice cream with chunks of chocolate and stuff in it. Or really just any of the Ben & Jerry's brand. That stuff is... AHH STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! I'm torturing myself with these thoughts.

Bye guys.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Bubblegum ice cream 'n' things (Picture Blog)

I looove bubblegum ice cream. I can't explain why, I just think it's wonderful. Maybe because it's not an easy find. Maybe because it brings back memories of getting it as a kid. Whatever it is, it's awesome. Both of those are bubblegum ice cream, both from the same place. Sometimes they have pink sometimes blue. My mom sometimes takes me (either just us or with niece and nephew) to this one supermarket that also sells ice cream by the scoop. If you're like me, you agree that most ice cream places are a HUGE RIPOFF. I mean, most charge the same for one tiny scoop as it would cost to just buy a WHOLE carton of ice cream. But can you believe that ice cream cone is what they call a "one scoop"? AND IT COST $1.20! I'm not kidding you! This place is seriously the best in the whole world. YES! Though "one scoop" on a cone is definitely more than you get in a bowl so I will always go for the cone.
My nephew really enjoyed his child size chocolate ice cream too:


Peter and Ziggy are just chillin'. Peter recently went through his first molt since I've had him which is why he has all those pinfeathers on his head and his cere looks flaky. Pinfeathers never look that nice but he will always be cute!
Both him and Ziggy have been pretty um... *clears throat*... randy lately. Not with each other or anything... yet... but with toys. They both have a different toy that they have been humping like animals... because they are animals. It's funny because Ziggy never did that before until Peter was in there. I never thought that she would, being a girl and all. Oh well, it's pretty funny to see them do. I don't think they will start going after each other anytime soon. They do feed each other which looks like kissing but as soon as Peter tries getting too close to Ziggy, she'll attack him. Poor thing. He has learned to defend himself a bit though but knows to just get out of her way. Ziggy has permanant birdie PMS.

And here's me with my friend Jackson. Isaac and I got him from the Family Fun Center or something, if I remember correctly. He accompanies me in my car every day. There is no reason as to why I am making that face. None at all.

I have had many of these coins since I was in elementary school. I don't know why and I don't know what to do with them either. They just sit in a box in a drawer. There are a couple from Isaac, if you couldn't guess, but the rest have no significance. I have never been to the places and there are a few that I can't even figure out what country they are from! Bahh! I also have a bunch of "fancy" rocks in the same box. What am I supposed to do with it all??

Friday, March 13, 2009

Hungry for a better job

It's hard being employed yet feeling like you... aren't.
I keep trying to look for other jobs but you all should know how that is.

Ok so this place I work for has crap schedules since it's inventory and it all depends on what stores need you at the time and how many people they need. So it's not like we all get to go on every job. Every schedule you receive in the mail is COMPLETELY different. One week you may work ONE store that might even take 2 hours to do. Some weeks you may work a bunch of long shifts. It's all over the place! I already complained about the whacked hours so I won't even go there again.

Anyways, they send a schedule to you and you call and confirm which ones you will do. I normally do all they send me but in the end, I won't get very many jobs a month and my income is just shit. Well I am scheduled to work Tuesday and Wednesday next week and that's it. I kept waiting to receive a schedule in the mail for the next couple weeks but didn't get anything. Well just now I got the next schedule... BUT IT'S NOT UNTIL APRIL 16TH!

So that means I have a WHOLE MONTH off. Sounds wonderful, right? NO. I need money. It makes me feel unemployed. Even if they call me and ask me to do a store or two in between this time, it really won't help much in the end.

Plus the longer I am with this place the more I see WHY people online always say to get out of there as soon as I can. "Accuracy is our number one priority". Oh yeah? I think they should change that to SPEED is their number one priority. I feel like all I hear them talk about is their APH! And so many people seem to be just so grumpy all the time and I don't want to be like that. Also, I don't like traveling so much. I always fear my safety. It's not fun.

I've been trying frantically to find another job. Ugh this is hard.

There is hope for Isaac though. Someone he used to work with called him up and told him there's a job opening somewhere so Isaac went to hand in his CV (résumé for us non-Brits haha). That was a couple days ago and as far as I'm aware he hasn't heard anything since but I am really hoping he will hear back from them. Jobs are just as hard to find where he lives... if not harder.

Ok I better get out of PJs and wake up so I can do something productive.

Who else is having problems with their jobs? Go ahead, complain!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

ABC Survey, long.


- Available: Hell no.
- Age: 20
- Annoyance: Not having enough hours in my day today.
- Animal: Budgies!
- Actor: I don't have favorite actors.
- Actress: Don't have favorites, don't care to.


- Beer: Don't drink.
- Birthday/Birthplace: August 7 1988 in Santa Cruz, California!
- Best Friends: Isaac and Lindsay.
- Body Part on the opposite sex: I never had a favorite man-part (ahh!) but I like Isaac's lips, jaw, and ass. HAHAHA!
- Best feeling in the world: Love is great, seriously. It's totally NOT overrated!
- Best weather: Sunny but not too hot. I don't like to sweat too much and hate when it's so hot you can't move.
- Been on stage?: Yes. A couple times. A long time ago.
- Believe in yourself?: Sometimes.
- Believe in life on other planets: Well there could be, I'm open.
- Believe in miracles: Something like that.
- Believe in Magic: Illusions and "magical events".
- Believe in Religion: I believe religions exist, obviously! Strange question.
- Believe in Santa: No.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: I think about it, but don't have an answer.


- Car: I have one.
- Candy: I love it all!!!!!!!
- Cried in school: Yes, I'm a cry baby.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate most of the time.
- Chinese/Mexican: That's a hard one. Mexican is always good but I do love Chinese.
- Cake or pie: Cake.
- Country to visit: I would like to visit England for obvious reasons.


- Day or Night: Depends on what for. Normally day but night is nice too. :)
- Dream vehicle: I don't have one. Something nice and not too big.
- Dance: I only really do joke dancing. I can't dance.
- Dance in the rain?: Never really think about doing it but I've done it before.
- Do the splits?: Hell no. My knees have always been bad and last time I tried that was in middle school and my knee popped out of place! I am too afraid to try again because that's a HORRIBLE position to be in when your knee goes out.


- Eggs: Scrambled with bits of bacon or over easy. I don't like how most people cook them though so I have to do them myself... or my mom does.
- Eyes: I have them, yes. They are some greenish grayish Idontknowish coloer.
- Everyone has an: ass.
- Ever failed a class?: Yes.


- First crush: I think it was a guy name Jeff.
- Full name: Melody Nonyo Bezwax!
- First thoughts waking up: Ahh I didn't mean to sleep until 9!


- Greatest Fear(s): I don't want to think about it, I have so many.
- Goals: I have a bunch of those too. Don't know if they are goals as much as hopes though.
- Gum: I used to chew it all the time but now it's annoying. I still chew it on rare occasions.
- Get along with your parents?: Mom moreso.
- Good luck charm: Don't have one. Isaac's pretty charming though and he makes me feel lucky.


- Hair Colour: Brown with a tint of auburn. Haven't dyed it in a while.
- Height: 5′2″
- Happy: For the most part!
- Holiday: I like Halloween, it's fun normally.
- How do you want to die: Old and happy.
- Health freak?: Not really. It's not like I will just eat any junk I want but I don't really make as much effort as I should to eat right.
- Hate: The way so many people seem to view the world and other people. I hate how hateful so many people are.


- Ice Cream: I LOVE IT ALL.
- Instrument: I love when Isaac plays guitar but I don't play anything.


- Jewelery: I have mostly cheap stuff from Icing or places like that. The thing I wear more than anything is my engagement ring, obviously.
- Job: Crap inventory taker person.


- Kids: Don't have them but want them in the future. But not until we are financially and mentally completely ready. Don't want to be stupid about it. Things will happen as they happen though, no matter how we plan it.
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate.
- Keep a journal?: Used to but about mid-2008 I finished my last one and stated that I was done. I don't have a need for it anymore. I have 4 old ones though that are full.


- Longest Car Ride: Probably just the ones to California or Washington but I was young when we went on those so they ALL felt like days.
- Love: is good.
- Letter(s): As in of the alphabet or mail? I still write an occasional one to Isaac in the mail but everything it pretty much done online now.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Oh yeah.
- Love at first sight: No.


- Milk flavour: Chocolate. How many are there?
- Movie: Don't have a favorite.
- Mooned anyone?: Yeah when I was younger.
- Marriage: Getting there.
- Motion sickness?: Only if I already feel sick.
- McD’s or BK: BK I guess... or NEITHER.


- Number of Siblings: 7
- Number of Piercings: Ears
- Number: Don't have a favorite. Don't have a point.


- Overused Phrases: I don't know
- One phobia: Barf


- Place you’d like to live: Anywhere nice and isn't too expensive.
- Perfect Pizza: I love when some places make pepperoni on the pizza curl up and get crispy on the edges.
- Pepsi/Coke: Pepsi.


- Quail: WTF?


- Reason to cry: I always find reasons to cry. Whether it is something serious and extremely cry-worthy or a freakin' Pampers commercial.
- Reality T.V.: America's Next Top Model WHICH IS ON SOON!
- Radio Station: Oldies.
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: Yeah.


- Song: Lots.
- Salad: GREEN with either Italian or Caesar dressing.
- Shrimp?: Fried, maybe.
- Sport?: I don't know!
- Skipped school: Only with my mom KNOWING. I did cut a PE Class once with Lindsay and we instead walked to McDonalds. I got ice-cream. Yeah, skip PE and eat crap! Hey, we walked at least.
- Slept outside: Yes, I love sleeping outside but not when it's cold.
- Seen a dead body?: Only of animals.
- Shower Daily?: Normally unless I'm having a lazy day.
- Sing well?: No!
- Stuffed Animals?: Have one, I think. Well it's a puppet.
- Single/Group dates: Single with Isaaaaaaaac!
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries though I'm beginning to like blueberry things again.
- Scientists need to invent: Lots of things! Can't think now. But if I was willing to take my time, I'd think of PLENTY of things.


- Time for bed: Whenever. Depends on when/if I work the next day.
- Thunderstorms: Are fun sometimes!
- TV: is kind of lame most of the time.
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: No.


- Unpredictable: Isaac just said, "I'd say so!"


- Vegetable you hate: Green beans. Unless they are the unhealthy kinds from a can. Those are good, I think.
- Vegetable you love: There are so many!
- Vacation spot: Oregon coast!


- Weakness: Cakes, cookies, candy, chocolates! Anything crap for me!
- When you grow up: I will be older.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: Well Lindsay and I have the most in common but we don't really act like each other. We are all different.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Isaac.
- Worst feeling: When I want to give up on everything, including myself.
- Wanted to be a model: Yes, but then I realized I wasn't growing any taller. I still think it'd be fun.. if I was photogenic, taller, and thinner.
- Worst weather: When it's so windy it hurts COMBINED with freezing air.


-X-Ray: I've had them done to my teeth.


-Year now?: 2009
-Yellow: Is a fun color but can't wear it!


- Zoo animal: Monkeys are cool! Kings of the swings. Isaac wanted me to say that.
- Zodiac sign: Leo.

Last person who:

- Saw you cry: Isaac.
- Went to the movies with you: Probably Lindsay. It's been bloody AGES. Dark Knight.
- You went to the mall with: Myself. But before that it was my niece.
- Went to dinner with: I haven't gone out to dinner in so long. I don't even remember.
- Talked to on the phone: Lindsay I think.
- Made you laugh: Isaac.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Going through old diaries...

So I was going through my old diaries and it makes me sad that I was so pathetic. Always talking about how fat I was (even when I wasn't) or about how much I wanted a boyfriend. And then WITH these "boyfriends" how I said I was in love and blah blah but um no. And I knew I wasn't but said I was. With most I would even lie in the diary, "Yeah I love him blah blah" but I remember knowing I wasn't in love. I just kept saying it for who knows what reason.
The worst one is actually about the infamous "Breakup" dude. Within the first month or so of going out with him I already said a bunch of things hinting that I wasn't so sure about how I felt about him. And then about halfway through the relationship on about 2/3 of the entries that even mentioned him were me saying how I didn't think I loved him and felt like it was too late because we already said all the time that we loved each other. It's funny how the DAY AFTER he broke up with me I already said in my journal how I was happy to be free because I felt trapped. At least I was honest with my diary at that time. I had to tell someone the truth.
This makes me wonder why I allowed myself to feel that way. Why didn't I just end it?
And just looking at my journals I see how boy crazy I was in middle-high school. Always having crushes that changed weekly and my choice in all of them SUCKED. Why did I waste my time with this? I really wish I would have spent all those years concentrating on something else. I wish I had more to talk about in my old diaries than boys and how much I hated myself.
But I think it was all related. Having crushes that never spoke to me or bad relationships that just made me feel worse leading to me hating myself more but hating myself could have also been the thing that got me in those situations.

I can honestly say now that I no longer hate myself AND that I am truly in love. I have thrown that word around so much in the past, I've realized, but for once I really do mean it with all my heart. "Love" has a whole new meaning to me, I don't feel like I've wasted it or something. I've just used it incorrectly before because I thought I had to say it.

Ok Melody, stop rambling.
I love you Isaac.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Why I haven't been Tubin' much.

First I have to say, "OMG PLAIN BORING BLOG LAYOUT!"
Yeah. I accidentally deleted the header from the HTML and then messed with the layout and then went, "Blah!" and now it's just header-less and lame blog. You may be wondering why I don't just upload the header again but I don't have it saved on this computer and am too lazy to get it right now. So it'll just be this way for a while until I change it.

So I've been really thinking about how little I.. well.. think about making videos for YouTube.
There was a time when I thought about it quite a lot and had a constant want to make vlogs or some strange idea for some funky video. It was just fun.
But now I don't have that. In fact, the idea of making videos now kind of makes me feel nervous and a little scared. And bored.
I was like, "What's that all about??"
But when I really think about it I feel like I know part of the reason. Or reasons.
YouTube has [almost] always had this semi-competition feeling on it. Sure, people used to think the person with 1,000 subscribers was cool and wanted to get at least 10 more than them. And that idea is still there only now it's the person with 100,000 subscribers that still want more!
I've never really been into that competition mindset of it. I don't like that. No fun for me! Just like popularity contests in school or something.
But the biggest thing is that NOW these people have a purpose. THEY ARE EARNING MORE MONEY WITH EACH VIEW. Oh YouTube partnership, how lovely you are.
I admit that I have tried signing up for a partnership but was denied since I don't get enough views. Oh well.
I just wonder how many of these people would be putting so much work and dedication into their stuff if it wasn't for the possibility of getting a little (or a lot) of cash off it. Or even semi-fame.
When I started YouTube this wasn't even a idea in my head. Fame off YouTube? Money from videos? What's that?
It was all about just doing it because we were bored and it filled some free time. It was fun.
You may be wondering why this takes away my desire. I wonder too. I just feel like seeing all these people that are making stuff off their videos and have that motivation make me feel completely pointless. Why am I on there?
I don't feel the need to try to compete with them to get to the top. I don't feel the need to put on an amazing show to get an ego boost and win out all those people. It just doesn't seem important. At all.
I used to make fun videos every once in a while. Like just being silly and acting or something but I think I've just grown out of that all. I haven't really had any desire to do those things. I did for a while have this idea for a Zoey video but I suddenly started hearing in my head all these future comments about me "trying" to be like Fred. Zoey was first, dumbass. Anyways. Plus, the more I thought about it the less I found it amusing for me to do.
One thing I still do like doing and always have is making music videos. Problem? Well every day more and more of people's videos with copyrighted music are being deleted. This sucks. Really sucks. Stop taking the fun out of music. And NO I'm not going to find music I have the rights too! I WANT TO DO VIDEOS TO MUSIC I ACTUALLY LOVE!

K80Blog basically explains how I feel about it all in this video, so you better watch it:

She doesn't really start talking about it until about 2:45ish but watch the whole video anyways.
I got Isaac to watch a bunch of her stuff today and he liked it. Yay!