New years

I never make resolutions but maybe I'll just make a list of things I would LIKE to do in 2010. Yes.

• Really teach myself how to sew, then sew lots of stuff.
• Try to stay stress-free around our wedding date. I always told myself I wouldn't turn into Bridezilla, if something goes wrong then it's ok. Just as long as Isaac is there, I am there, and we get married. :)
• Organize my closet and the closet in the office.
• Get rid of craft items and fabric I always think I will use but never do. (Craigslist?)
• Wake up at extremely early and view the sunrise from a place with a nice view.
• Limit my Human Bean coffee spending. >_<
• Make more stuff and sell on Etsy again. Better stuff.
• Move out.
  
• Plan a reasonable budget that I can actually stick to.
• Make a video I can actually say I like.
• Find a job I'm actually happy with and earn more than minimum wage.
  
• Take on Yoga again.
• Get or make a thread spool holder. Whatever they are called.
• Go camping with Isaac.
• Hike Table Rock for the first time.
• Blog more.
  

That's all I can think of off the top of my head at the moment. I will probably periodically post updates on my list.

Not an update.

I just felt like doing it. Got a problem?

Put your iTunes on shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
When I'm Sixty-Four - The Beatles

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Chant Of The Ever Circling Skeletal Family - David Bowie

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Walk on the Wild Side - Lou Reed

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Shapes of Things - Bowie

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Me by the Sea - Edie Brickell

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Eight Line Poem - Bowie

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Let It Be - Beatles

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Wedding Song - David Bowie

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) - Arcade Fire

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
You Learn - Alanis Morissette

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Telling Lies - Bowie

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
One After 909 - Beatles

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hand of Doom - Black Sabbath

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
TVC 15 - Bowie

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dead Finks Don't Talk - Brian Eno

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Lady Stardust - Bowie

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST
Word on a Wing - Bowie

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dancing Machine - Jackson 5

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I'm Finding It Harder to be a Gentleman - White Stripes

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
A New Career in a New Town - Bowie

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Blow the House Down - Siouxie and the Banshees

--------

Some of those came out kind of interesting to me. I might do another. Get over it loserface. Haha.

Holidays are exhausting

It's great how working in retail really sucks every drop of fun out of the holidays. It's just so hectic and crazy and every one is just way too into all the material things for christmas and even thanksgiving. Can someone please track down the genius behind Black Friday? Oh. My. God.
It's like, "Here, have a day off for Thanksgiving just so you can worry about having to wake up at unreasonable hours the next morning and work your ass off for a bunch of greedy people!"
I'm just so excited, as you can tell.
I have yet to work Black Friday at my current place of employment but I hear about it a lot. There are people who say they stood in line for almost an hour and a half. Why? For some insane roller coaster or an awesome concert? NO! For some flannel and yarn! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Sales are great but COME ON.
Plus, many people seem to act as though these purchases are an emergency and they desperately NEED them. Really now. Calm the f down and get your priorities straight. I can't wait to see how bitchy they will act when THEY decide to go shopping before the sun comes up and THEY decided to wait in the line for something so unimportant. I just can't wait until after christmas is over. Things will go back to normal and there will be a lower amount of wolves out. Plus maybe I could have a chance to breathe.

Then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow...

I'm trying to get the basic planning for our wedding out of the way so I won't have to worry about it later.
Things are going alright, kind of, but I've hit a bit of a road bump.
I forgot that many people in my family would have a problem with a secular wedding.
We aren't going to have a wedding that doesn't represent us, but at the same time I am so scared.
There are a couple family members that can't quite keep their mouths shut at ANY wedding and always cause problems. But uh oh, have a wedding without a mention of god in the ceremony and we may have a problem.
I mean, if they felt the need to pray for us or something, they could go ahead. But it will be OUR wedding day and if they have the nerve to make a problem during it then that would just be really immature.
Maybe they won't think that it's a real marriage. Well unfortunately for them, it is a real marriage regardless of whether there's a pastor or a judge holding it.
I may be jumping ahead in judging how people may react but I feel the need to prepare for it so it doesn't catch me off guard. I had a problem just now with my mom saying it's a shame we aren't having a christian ceremony. Sorry to disappoint you.
I either have a choice of disappointing them or having a ceremony that neither of us want.

WAAHHHHH

Welcome to November....

Hello world.
I never finished Vlogtober. I was doing so well and then one day I worked all day and completely forgot. The next day, I made a video that basically just said I forgot to make a video the day before but this video was so lame I didn't feel the need to post it. After that, it all left my mind. I didn't even want to bother with Vlogtober anymore. I already had a stressful month, I didn't need to add to it! Editing from that camera takes ages because the file type isn't accepted by my normal editor. So what I have to do is put all the clips together on the editor that COMES with the camera and then save that as a proper file and THEN edit AGAIN on my editor. Why? Because the editor that comes with the camera automatically fades all the clips together and I HATE that. So I just cut out all the fades later on. I know it's a lot of work but I really don't like fading between clips!

I did want to make a halloween video though. That turned out GREAT! Not.
The day before halloween, I quickly began coughing and feeling achy and weak. I left work early because of my fear of what I may have had plus I was finding it impossible to work under those conditions. I ended up packing a few items and hauling my ass to my parents house so mommy could take care of me.. haha.
Yesterday (Halloween) was so shitty. I wanted so badly to have fun but I could hardly even stand or sit up for more than a couple minutes. Of course I couldn't do anything fun! My throat was beginning to get really sore at this point as well.
And then today I also couldn't go to work. I hate this, missing more than one day of work. No matter how sick I am, I feel horrible calling in. Especially since I have no idea how long this is going to go on. At the same time, I know I shouldn't have any reason to feel bad for calling in. I AM really sick and there is no way I could work like this. No one would be happy.

Today started out horribly. Swallowing would bring tears to my eyes with all the pain and I often found myself not being able to speak which really frustrated me. Around 4 PM, I almost magically felt a lot better. Well, I am still coughing painfully and feel weak and tired but my throat is about 88% back to normal. I'm going back to the apartment tonight so that if I wake up feeling well enough, I can go to work easier. I realized I didn't do a good job packing to come here, I have nothing.

Kthnx.

Vlogtober killed my blog.

Since I'm doing Vlogtober, it feels a bit repetitive to do my blog as well.

Well something I don't think I've mentioned is that Isaac received the notarized letter of intent I sent him and so someone is going to drop by and pick it up from him soon. After it's picked up, he'll soon get the visa. :) That means we will then make the official wedding date. We are thinking May now. April at the earliest. I know the wedding date is one of the first things people plan when engaged but we really couldn't because we didn't have a clue how long this process would take. We didn't want to make a date and then have to change it a bunch!

I've felt so busy this month. Even on my days off I feel as though I have a bunch to do and like I have no right relaxing. When I do sit around for a moment, I feel as though I NEED to be getting something done but I'm not always sure what that something is.

I'm pretty much done with my halloween costume. I need to make a belt and Bowie Chick will be done. Whenever I have a chance next, I need to make a tutu for Celsie's daughter. I already got the stuff to make it with but I just need to go to my parents and do it.

Work has been hectic. A fabric and craft store around halloween and in preperation for Christmas is just pure chaos. I hardly have time to breathe when I'm there. A while back, a really rude customer came in. She has been in quite a few times before. I deal with rude bitches a lot but some reason, I couldn't quite take this one. She made me cry right in front of other customers and I was stuck at the register all teary eyed until someone could finally cover me. My manager is really sweet and gave me a chance to get over it before getting back to work and kept complimenting how well I took care of her. Even though I broke down like a baby, I guess the fact that I didn't treat her the way she was treating me is good. I could have easily just told her to shut up and let me fix my mistake. Lesson for her: Don't go shopping in a store that you KNOW is always busy when you are in a huge hurry to something and are incredibly impatient and have a shitty life. One funny thing is that she DID special order something from us so I could easily track down her name and address. :) Be careful how you treat the people that are serving you ANYTHING, not just food. :)

I also got a new phone this month which is nice. My old one was from the beginning of 2007 and it was starting to do weird stuff. I figured it was time for an upgrade. Since I text more than anything, it's nice having a full keyboard.

Better go get ready for bed. I work way too early in the morning and I'm definitely not looking forward to it. Bleh!

VLOOOOGTOBER!

Ok It looks like I'm going to attempt Vlogtober. I will upload each video the day AFTER it's recorded so I won't be posting until October 2 and it will go through November 1. Kind of like how Shaytards and CTFxC do it. It makes it so much less stressful when I can upload it the next day instead of trying to fit it in the same day.

My problem is that I am currently piggybacking my internet (you'll see why on my first video) so sometimes it disconnects and I have to start over.

"See" you October 2nd!

Play that funky music white boy..

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii there readers. Wow, I really dragged that one on.
I just woke up, if that makes any difference. I don't work today which is wonderful but I always spend the first half (if not all) of my days off of work being very slow and lazy.
Yesterday at work was one of those "this is the day that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends!..." kind of days. Oh man, I felt like going to the back room and hiding there a couple times. It just wasn't fun at all. Me and the other lady at the cutting counter almost didn't get to go on our breaks because we kept asking over and over for someone to come and help at the cutting counter so that one of us could go but no one would EVER respond. Not even to say, "Sorry, we're all busy!" They WOULD respond if we asked them any other question though meaning they COULD HEAR US. Made me angry. We eventually went on our breaks way after they were supposed to be when another lady arrived to work. Thank you.

So what has happened since my last update?
Oh!

On September 16th, Isaac had his visa interview at the US Embassy in London. All went well except for one thing that I didn't do. I didn't get a paper notarized. I'll do that today when I bring my check into the bank. SO when I send that to him and then he sends it along with his passport to the embassy, he will then have the visa! Next step in this process would be for him to pack his stuff that he's sending over here and finding the best/cheapest way to send it all.

On the 18th, Lindsay invited me to see a band her co-worker's in called "Funkamungus". It was at Stillwater in Ashland which is a small dark bar that took ages to find. We were looking for some sort of sign but never saw one. Instead, we just saw the address painted on the side. I wasn't really expecting much, to be honest. When we arrived at around 8 (when the doors opened) and the show was to start at 9. At first we just looked in only to see a couple people so we went on a little walk and then came back. When we came back, there was slightly more people so we went in and waited. During the wait, the crowd grew. Finally at about 9:15 or so, they started.
At first I just felt awkward there... as I do anywhere. We kept trying to find a place in the growing crowd to view from but we were always ending up by the water cooler, the back room door, etc. Just constantly having to move out of the way for people. Just way too small in there for all those people!
We then left to Albertsons to get out for a moment and when we came back in it was like a wall of heat hit us when we walked in. It felt as though you can't breathe!
After they had a little break and they opened some doors for air, we moved to a better location. There's where we actually got into it and I had a blast dancing to the funky music! Oh man, why aren't there more funk bands? Seriously, I had so much fun and everyone there was enjoying it as much as I was. Everyone was a dancing fool, seriously. I didn't care that I was in a big group of strangers (ahh social problemsssssss!) and it was super hot in there. We left at midnight because Lindsay had to get home so we didn't get to see the whole thing.
Ok that was my experience but what about the band? Were they actually any good?
YES! The band website had their bios which need to be updated because there are a couple people that are different. They had a trumpet player which isn't on there and a different singer. They really got into the music and looked like they were having a party on stage as well just dancing and laughing. They were really entertaining for me.
I do like funk music but since I've never heard anyone play it live, I didn't know I like it as much as I do.
So thank you, Funkamungus.

There are pictures on their website from that night. Unfortunately, you can't hear the music or feel the vibe of the crowd in them. You can't even really tell how much everyone was dancing! So thank you, Lindsay, for inviting me.

On the 21st we had a bunch of fires in our area which was scary.

Other than that, I haven't had much going on.

Junk all over!

Something I've been needing to get is a queen sized bed. You can't really expect us to share a twin when we get married, can you? Besides, it would be nice to upgrade. Well, I finally got one! Well, the mattress set anyways. Not the bed frame or anything but that's alright.
I went looking all over for something affordable but still cheap. I ended up finding a floor model for a pretty good price and then when the guy mentioned shipping costs ($55), I hesitated and started wondering if I knew someone with a truck that could get it for me. Well, the man ended up lowering the price of the mattress $55! So it was like getting free shipping! I was happy about that, so of course I got it.
That will be coming on Tuesday.

The bed I have now has drawers in it that I kept a bunch of stuff stored in. I realized I need to find a place to put it all and that has been making my head a'splode!

I have stuff all over this house, it seems. It wouldn't be that bad but I already have about 85% of the stuff I need to move out (which means I just need main furniture stuff and a few random items). Kitchen stuff, bathroom items, etc. I am taking up a bunch of space in my room with it, a bunch of space in the office closet, and then even more in the spare bedroom. I feel like I'm taking up way too much space but it wouldn't be that bad if I moved out and was able to put it all where it belongs! And it's good that I already have most of it so I don't have to worry later. I just really don't like having to shove so much in small spaces! Drives me nuts!
So then when I need to store even small items away, I'm all out of room! So I've been spending most of tonight trying to re-organize it.

I also planned on having a yard sale this summer but it's already September and I don't know if I'll even be able to do it soon! So I might have to just Craigslist it all or something. I'm trying to get rid of a lot of random stuff.

One item I want to sell is my old (well, like 2006 old) camcorder. I hardly used it because it takes mini-dv tapes and I really don't have the patience to wait for that to import onto my computer. It's not HD or anything but it's not a webcam so I will try and sell it. Not sure how much for. If I can't sell it locally, I will probably go on Ebay.

I have BAGS and BAGS and BOXES of stuff to get rid of, a lot of which is pretty nice and I just never used so I am hoping to get a little money from it instead of just giving it away.

Whoa I talk about nothing but say so much.......

Princess wedding?

I think it's funny how often I hear things about how EVERY LITTLE GIRL dreams of:

• Being a princess
• Getting married in a castle
• A fairytale wedding

...Etc.
I never did! I was too busy dreaming about the guy!

But I am having problems with colors for it. >_<

I'm a bitch

I miss painting and crafty stuff. I really do have the time for it but I normally just end up getting out of the house because I don't feel like wasting summer any more than I already am. That's probably why so many more people do those things (and sew) in the winter. You're trapped inside anyway so why not?
The clean up process after making the mess is also a bummer. I can't help but think about how much of a pain it is to clean out paint brushes and all of that stuff when I'm done and I don't even want to make the mess anymore. Where can I get a free maid that will do all this for me? Meh.
In that sense, I am excited for fall and winter. At the same time I feel as though I haven't had much of a summer. It's not as though I ever really did any of my life. I've always been a nerd that just hid away waiting for summer to end. The main reason is because I had/have hyperhidrosis which is completely embarrassing and in summer I couldn't hide it with a jacket. Fortunately, that's not something I have to deal with as much anymore but it took years to mentally recover from the humiliation and problems it caused.
Still, I don't have many friends (only 2 I've seen in MONTHS) and it's pretty hard having fun when you're alone. I just wish I could have a fun summery summer for once and not regret wasting it all away being a loser. !97297927 (*@&982729 (*&2 298eoiywhdjkc

It's getting harder and harder for me to work at the type of job I have. The idea of me doing it for a few more years or my whole life kills me. It's not the co-workers, I just have a really really REALLY hard time dealing with customers. I complain about them often enough on here. Just sitting here, I feel like screaming or crying thinking about how much a pain so many of them seem to be. It might actually just be a few but they really stick out in my head and I automatically just view all customers as this way. I am sick of the ones that treat me like crap and assume I make the rules of the store I work at. NEWS FLASH: I don't! I am also not the one that supplies the store with merchandise so I have NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT WHAT YOU WANT IS GONE OR DOESN'T EXIST!
It's also getting harder for me to keep my cool with them. I used to be able to smile or treat them nicely until they left but this anger bottled up in me and I used to cry after work... a lot. Now, if a customer is so rude to me that I can't handle it, I don't bother being nice. It's not as though I yell at them or call them anything rude to their face, I just give them a cold shoulder. This isn't professional but they should learn to treat people better. It's a good thing I don't serve food, I'm sure you could imagine what I'd do with that. :)




It's always the quiet ones you have to look out for.

Bleh

I hate when you've had a full day of events...
but you get home to sleep and all you can think about is little things you've said or done or didn't do and you feel embarrassed or annoyed or just tired of yourself.
Maybe that's just me.
Headache.

Sleep

I should be asleep. I work in the morning and then have plans with Lindsay after work. I want to be awake for this.
But I can't.
I bet you're expecting me to say something is on my mind and it is making me unable to sleep.

The truth is..

I ate one of those long tubes of Pixie Stix tonight. I bought two of them when I went to see Lindsay where she works. I haven't had Pixie Stix in a long time but it's been even longer since I've had the giant kind. I forgot that they are impossible to open without a knife or something. I spent about 10 minutes chewing on the end until it burst open.

So now I have a ton of sugar in me and I can feel it. When will I crash?

Oh wait a second.
I put the window with the blog down as I went to some other sites and I am suddenly very tired so now Melody goes night-night.

I also realized recently that I say "I" a lot and start most of my sentences with it. How can I avoid that? Seriously. It's bugging me.

I'm a loser.

I created a tumblr for Isaac and myself to use for updates and stuff. Tumblr stuff, but ours. It's easier than creating our own ugly site.

I also deleted my BowieChick MySpace account because I don't have a reason for it.

I really need to clean my room. Really clean it. I only ever really go in there to get ready and sleep so I haven't really felt much like it's my place to go so I haven't kept it clean.
My brain feels like a mess as well. Constantly feeling on edge and like I'm waiting for my life to really start.
I miss painting and crafting and listening to music.
It's all stuff that I some reason haven't had much time for. I could be listening to music now but I always feel like I'll never be able to complete an album. I don't know why, I am honestly not very busy. My head just is.

I miss my Love, Isaac.

Lately I have been uncomfortable with my own awkwardness and inability to connect at some level with other people. I haven't been keeping in contact with any friends except for Isaac (no shit), Lindsay, and Celsie. I feel badly about this but that still doesn't get me to pick up the phone and call all the others up. I love them and I don't have an explanation for that.

I realized that if I keep sitting at my house waiting for just my couple of friends to become available to do something with, I am not going to experience much. What do I want to experience? I don't know. I feel like I am supposed to be living life now and instead I am just going through a routine of working, talking to Isaac, sleeping, and possibly seeing one of my friends or just wasting gasoline in my car. As much as I love Isaac and my friends... and sleep... I don't like living every day the same exact way.

I need to see fresh faces or new places. That rhyme was not intentional.

Problem: as I've earlier mentioned, I have social problems. Besides Isaac, I haven't made any real new friends since middle or elementary school. And I met Isaac ONLINE for Pete's sake (who is Pete?). That just shows that I don't know how to make friends in the real world or talk to people for the first time. I CAN'T DO IT. I have a hard time even making bloody eye contact, unless I'm at work where I don't even feel like myself.

I feel so stuck with my low self esteem and discomfort.

All my life I have constantly heard people say I am "shy" and I FUCKING HATE being called that. Why? Because the more people say it, the more shy I get.

I am kind of going all over the place right now, I don't even know where my rant started. I can rant on and on about how ugly or lame I think I am, trust me.

Tired, but still sober

I am tired and can't wait for a day or two or four off. ;)
Even with short shifts, it still messes with my days. Waking up earlier or whatever, having to make plans around it, and then thinking about my next day at work.
I really can't complain, it's a job. Plus, I begged for this job back. Well, not really. I just went in and said "HEY!" and got it back. Not exactly like that but it may as well have been. Still, I appreciate my job but I can never get used to CUSTOMERS. You, customers, are the reason it's hard to go to work. You, customers, are the reason I want to hide in a corner and wimper.
Don't worry, I know that most customers are just human but those few/hundred that come in daily and don't have anything better to do than make me feel like shit are really making me bitter about ALL customers. Sorry about that, I don't hate you all. :)
Anyone in any kind of customer service job can probably relate. Oh the horror. Oh the minimum wage. Oh.
So I'm 21 now. Not much exciting about that. I don't drink and haven't drank anything yet. No, seriously. Ever. In my life. Haven't had alcohol. Never felt the need or anything and never set myself in an environment where people were drinking. Plus, I kind of liked knowing that I am/was a rare breed - under aged people that didn't drink alcohol. Even when I checked "No" next to "drinks alcohol" on a questionnaire at the doctor's office, the doctor assumed I just didn't want to say yes and get in trouble for being under 21. Psh, my answer IS no.
Now, that's not to say that I thought everyone that drank as a teenager is inferior or stupid. I just didn't feel like I needed to. Though I must say that I will never understand people who only seem to hang out with friends if they are drinking. I see it on MySpace on the time. It seems like people only have pictures of themselves at partys with a drink in their hands acting careless. I even remember this in high school.
But now that that has been said, I will most likely drink some time soon. I mean, I'm 21. I've reached my "goal". I remember when I was a child and told myself I wouldn't drink until I was old enough. It's not as though I had to consiously remind myself all the time of this or that I felt pressured by society to. It stuck with me, that's all. We will see how this goes. >_<
And now, I shall go. I'm so bloody tired. I have no idea why I'm even up or why I typed a blog when I rather be in bed. I have been tired since I woke up early this morning! Crazy Melody.

Entered a contest thing

I really don't think we have a chance of winning but it would be bloody brilliant if we did, right?
http://global.theknot.com/contests/Estee-Lauder-Love-Story-Contest/Story.aspx?EntryId=660

One of those days...

Today is one of those Instant Lunch soup in a cup kind of days. I don't even like the stuff much but we have it in the house and it's easy. I don't have to think about it! Plus I have Cheez-Its in a Spiderman bowl and some iced tea. Healthy, I know.
I am just so lazy today I didn't bother with breakfast, though I woke early enough that I should have had some. My stomach was gr0wling and I rather sit at the computer.
It's pretty sad actually. This week, going as crappy as it already is, would be the perfect week to take my day off and go do something fun. I just don't have the willpower to get my butt out of these comfy pajamas at the moment.

2009 Sucks

When Isaac was leaving America at the end of October 2008, I already knew that 2009 was going to suck. At that time, I actually thought we'd be able to see each other at least once or twice this year but that still didn't seem like enough.
That has changed. In the beginning of this year we came to the realization that we can't see each other AT ALL (in person) this year. It would cost too much and we need the money for his moving here and our marriage and everything. And immigration is stressful and hard to deal with. If a couple wasn't strong enough, this process would really split them apart I'm sure. We're doing well though, we have to work together.
So if that's not sucky enough...
People keep dying all over. Not just celebs, mind you. Neighbor, grandpa, people. Not people I'm necessarily that close to but still more than I'm used to. Ziggy got horribly sick and that was scary. Now my dog Daisy is really hurt in her rib area. She can't roll over or lay on her side and we can't pick her up without her crying.
Plus my mom getting that twisted ovary and going to the hospital for a while with a while of thinking it could be an cancerous cyst.
And while we are trying to pay that off, I had to go to the doctor for something that I won't even talk about. More money. Keep having to have my blood drawn. Even MORE money. And now taking hormone pills because I'm a man... EVEN MORE MONEY. It's hard to stay calm about this stuff when you also have to think about the fact that it's bloody expensive!
Plus, Jon and Kate separating and all that shit. Seriously, that bothers me. I am officially on Kate's side of things. Jon needs to grow up.
That kind of lined up with my friend Celsie and her ex. They have a wonderful daughter and were going to get married back in like May or something. Well, they broke up. They are still friends and he isn't abandoning their daughter, he takes her every other week. It's just sad.

I might just be focusing too much on the bad and not on the good but seriously, I am not liking this year. I can't wait until 2010 because I feel that will be a good one.

In other news, my 21st birthday is on the 7th of August which is a week and a day ahead. Too bad I work that day, and all the days around it.

Bike seat / edit

My dad originally thought that for what ever reason, the new bike saddle wouldn't fit on my bike. He has put bike seats on before, so I assumed he knew what he was saying. Yesterday before taking my seat in he realized that it does, in face, fit. He just saw it differently at first.
Yay! Now I have a comfortable bike seat.

In other news, I'm sore from cleaning the clearance fabrics yesterday. Those are always a pain because customers don't even bother to even try and keep it nice. It's also in the back and low priority on our fabric straightening so we neglect it as well and it isn't kept up but we recently had a bunch of fabric go on clearance so I needed to make room for it. *Pats self on back* I like it better when I'm not given a job, I just decide to do it. Heh.

Sick Ziggy, wedding dress, and a sore ass!

It has been almost 2 weeks since I've updated but it feels like longer, for whatever reason.
It's really hot in here and I have the fan blowing directly on my face but this blocks out any sound coming from around me. My mom just walked up behind and said something and it scared the crap out of me. Not literally, ew.
My week has been pretty hectic... but more mentally hectic than anything. I mean, I worked and was busy but I was constantly worried.
Ziggy has been sick for a while now. She had diarrhea and some days would seem alright and some days would just sleep. I should have taken her into the vet at that point. I am kicking myself for not. Well last Friday, the 17th, I woke up to see her on the bottom of the cage lying down with her head facing all the way up. She wouldn't put it down, just move it side to side. I've always heard about birds going to the bottom of the cage when dying so I assumed this was it.
I spent that day crying and holding her in a shirt. She wouldn't eat or drink water and only tumbled around a little on the bottom of the cage.
The next day, her head was no longer looking up but she still couldn't walk. She just slept, wrapped in the shirt and I called in work so I could take care of her. She began eating some millet but seemed almost too weak to chew much. I had to hold her over the water to get her to drink.
By Sunday she was eating the millet on her own after crawling over to it. I still had to help her to her water. She seemed bored at one point, pushing a ball around a tiny bit with her head. She also slept slightly less but still couldn't walk or perch.
I'm sure you get the idea. Still bad, but not great.
I finally got her into the vet on Wednesday morning. $164 later, she had her nails clipped, blood drawn, 2 shots, and all that jazz. We also went home with a medication and new organic bird food. I should have been giving them pellets this whole time, not seeds.

The vet said that she has some kind of neurological problem. The blood results came in yesterday and he suspects it may be lead poisoning. My question is, from what? Peter shows no signs and I don't know what Ziggy could have gotten into that he didn't. I always monitor when they are out.
Well today Ziggy is perching and is able to balance. She goes down to eat and drink on her own. She also won't shut up sometimes, she keeps singing which she hasn't done in a while. I put her back with Peter and they are staying side by side. It's so cute and I feel really relieved. I'm still worried because I don't know what the lead poisoning could be from. I am trying to think if there's anything new she's been chewing on (well, new at the time that the signs started).

In other news, I got my wedding dress! I'm more excited about this fact than I thought I'd be.It fits perfectly around my body but obviously needs to be hemmed. I thought I'd have to buy it myself but after making a deal with my mom to go 50/50, she ended up deciding she'd pay for it all. Isaac and I have to pay the wedding though. Not sure how much help we'll get with that. Oh well! But the dress is really nice, and simple. I like it. You guys will see a picture, I'm sure, but not until after the wedding. This means you'll have to wait until next year!
I went shopping with Lindsay the day before and I didn't see a single thing I liked. But the next day I went back to David's Bridal with my mom and I tried on a few, falling in love with the second dress. It was all really awkward for me though. I am not used to getting any attention from employees when trying on clothing so being the only one in the store and having all eyes on me was just weird. I'm really shy, so I'm sure I looked awkward.
The lady who helped me was nice though and seemed to understand what I was looking for, unlike other stores I went in. I went in an hour before closing and walked out of there with the dress in my arms before the store even closed! They called me a power shopper, my mind was made up. She even hand wrote me a letter a few days later!

I know they do it for everyone, but it's still thoughtful.

Lindsay and I rode our bikes for a few hours yesterday. We went a lot further than we thought we would. The ride there was fine but by the time we headed back I was just hot and tired and my butt hurt like a bitch. Those bike seats aren't made for women's wide set butt bones.
So today I went out and got a nice "womens" bike seat only to find out it doesn't work with the kind of pole I have. In fact, I'm not sure anything does. So my dad is taking it into a specialty bike store tomorrow for me and seeing if they have a replacement pole thing. Or if anything can be done. Seriously, my ass hurts like crazy right now and that's not fun.


P.S. If you don't have any Human Bean coffee places in your area you're missing out. I find so many coffee places to be way too expensive and not that great but I really love The Human Bean. The employees always seem to be nice PLUS you always get a chocolate covered coffee bean with it and that totally makes it a WIN.

Father

You know when someone has low expectations of you and no matter what you do, you can't please them? And you know how that makes you not even try because it doesn't matter either way anyway?
That kind of explains my relationship with my father.
No matter what I say, I make him angry for it. He always thinks I am saying things to him to piss him off or everything I DO is purely done to piss him off. I'm not even a bad "kid". I sanitize the remote and he gets angry at me. Seriously, I can't clean anything without him assuming it's because of the fact that he doesn't always wash his hands. Which maybe it sometimes IS for that reason, but it's rude of him to expect us to live with it. People clean things when they get gross, get used to it.
Or if he asks me a question and I don't answer with how he wants me to answer, he either has to get some mean last word in or he shakes his head and walks off. The thing is, he misinterprets EVERY THING I SAY. I can tell him it's hot outside and he'll find something insulting in that.
What makes it worse is he has this thing where he has to get the last word in and won't let me even speak so I can't clear up his misunderstanding.
So this leads to me not even wanting to BOTHER to talk to him. If I do, it ends up coming out of my mouth in a teenagerish sarcastic tone. Why? Because it's what he expects and it doesn't make a difference anyways.
I wish he would make an effort to not find an insult in every thing I do and say.

He really just doesn't know me. What he "knows" is that I "Sit on the computer all day". That's seriously one of the first things he tells people when he introduces me. Yeah, really nice. Hey Dad, ever consider that I spend most of that time talking to the man I love? He doesn't know what I do all day, he just assumes I spend it on the computer.
Well I know what he does all day (when he's not working). He watches tv. All the time. He spends as much time as I spend online watching tv. And at least going online works your brain and I'm interacting with people. How would you feel if everytime I was introducing you to someone I said, "This is dad. He watches tv."

My thoughts on MJ

I am a fan of Michael Jackson's music. I noticed that many people seem to only have come out as "fans" after his death and would have probably joked about him and some children just before it all happened which makes it almost hard to listen to him right now. I just feel like so many people suddenly like him and it angers me that they didn't care before.
I mean, I can understand and I'm sure they liked his music alright before hand but as with most people, he wasn't completely appreciated until after his death. I'm sure in a week or two many people will shut up about him and go back to listening to Jonas Brothers...
When I listen to him now I can't shake the feeling that I am ONLY doing it because he's what's popular right now. But SCREW that feeling! I listened to him even in the week BEFORE his death as with every week before THEN! I listened to and thoroughly enjoyed every second of his music. It's just so alive and emotional, the whole lot of it.
So if someone catches me listening to and dancing to Michael Jackson right now, it's nothing new...

Anyways, on from that rant. I watched the memorial today and I was in tears most of the time. Other times, I was almost ready to scream from awkwardness. People say that Brooke Shields brought them to tears but she just made me feel almost embarrassed. The way she spoke seemed like bad acting and it didn't move me at all. Maria Carey is unbearable for me to watch with those hand movements she can't seem to stop. And I loved that MJ's daughter spoke but the family reaching in moving the mic and Janet telling her to speak up made me so uncomfortable! All those hands reminded me of the Helping Hands on Labyrinth in the scene where Sarah is falling down and all the hands are reaching out to grab her, wtf! Just leave the girl alone, we could hear her fine and you're causing too much commotion!



But really, I thought it was a fitting public memorial for Michael Jackson.

Oh and over a year ago I made a video dressed as Charlie Chaplin dancing to "Bad" and I honestly had no idea there was any connection between Charlie and Michael. I had no idea MJ was a fan of CC! Fun times...

4th of July

Today we celebrate America's independence from Britain.

All I want is my British man here with me in America.

Spiders

We get a lot of spiders in our house and I just went into the kitchen, turned on the light, and there was a HUGE one on the wall. I hate killing those. I just feel sorry for them. They are just minding their own business, most of the time. At the same time, I can't stand them in my house! They scare the shit out of me.
So, I kill them.
Normally if it's during the day I will make a loud noise while doing it to cover that nasty popping sound they make when killed. That sound haunts me. Unfortunately, when it's late at night and people are sleeping, I just have to bear it. I also hate when the tissue is too thin between your hand and the spider and you can FEEL IT!
I always apologize after killing bugs. "Sorry spider!!" And I do feel sorry, I honestly do. Except for ants. Those are just little devils. I hate them. They invade every summer no matter how much poison we try. Seriously, we do everything. They take over the kitchen and we just have to enjoy a little bit of ant seasoning in everything. Don't you hate the smell of squished ants??

Ok, there's a bit of a less emo sounding blog. But I am still in just as bad of a mood, don't get too excited.

I feel like a teenager...

These last three days have been just crap for me.
I just feel so down and emotional. I can't handle stress well right now.
Last night I was tossing and turning with anxiety and I can't pinpoint a reason. Then I started freaking out about nothing. Like I thought I couldn't breathe and then I felt like the sleeve of my shirt was too tight and cutting into my skin (which it wasn't even close!). I feel like I'm going crazy!
It doesn't help that Isaac's computer won't let us talk for more than a hello goodbye. I hope he can get that fixed. Tomorrow I will only be able to say "Hi, bye!" to him because I get off work later. So with yesterday, today, and tomorrow total may equal about 2 hours together or less. We normally talk HOURS a day. Seriously.
And today we didn't even talk. He spent most of the time that we had together getting the pictures off his camera from today. He went to the London International Music Show which had his favorite Steve Vai. Then his computer shut down.
I've just been feeling some strange stress and loneliness that I don't like and don't know what to do about. It's only been for about 3 days but it has felt like ages. I liked being happy.
It just makes me feel a bit like a teenager. Moody, lonely, depressed. Emo. Lawls.
Plus, customers were really rude at work today. It's not our fault you all decide to come at once and cause a big line! We're trying to help you! Just grab a freakin' number!
I'm not able to handle this right now. I just need to talk to Isaac but I haven't had that opportunity at all.

So like a couple weeks ago I went to the doctors and had my blood drawn. My health came back pretty much perfect but the one thing that was off is I guess I'm too much of a man. Yes, you heard me! Too much testosterone. Kind of embarrassing but it's really common so whatever. Women have testosterone my levels are just a little high. I believe it. I am wondering if the medication is messing with me a bit or something. Or maybe I am PMSing. I am part female, after all. I do PMS...

Shit sucks

I'm in my don't-feel-like-blogging-much stage right now. It comes and goes. Sometimes I blog every day! Where does that come from? Does my head grow a bit every once in a while to the point that I feel important enough to blog about nothing? Meh.
I've been kind of down the last couple days. Isaac's computer has been having problems. Starting with the printer, which bothers us because that means he can't print out the forms he needs for immigration. Today his computer is randomly shutting off and smells like burning electricity or something. We cut our talk short today so his computer can rest. We don't want it exploding on us! The guy who built it is coming in on Monday so hopefully he can help him out.
There's also other annoying stuff going on I prefer not to talk about so publicly.
Let's hope my mood improves again and I can get on with my life.

BTW, changed the template on here. Like it? I also changed the look of the IseAndMel website. It's just done on paint but I think it looks fun anyway.

Blog suggestion

Blog suggestion:
The Weekly Menu
My friend Jen has created a new blog where she posts a week long menu along with a shopping list for that week. If you're like me, it's hard to think of what to make and going to a recipe site hardly helps because there are too many choices!
She's my friend so that should be reason enough to promote her blog. Check it out!

Awkward!

Suggested site of the moment: Awkward Family Photos!!!
Isaac and I had a blast looking at these and I just noticed they updated quite a bit since I last looked. Seriously, look at them all! They are amazing. You need to read the captions because they make the photos so much better. Seriously. GO!

GOOD NEWS!
Isaac got his old job back! Well, kind of. Same place, different hours. We're very happy about this because it has been so difficult to get a job over there for anyone. He never gave up trying which I am so proud of because it was getting to the point that it seemed impossible. Luckily, people he worked with told him about the opening and next thing we knew he had the job. Yay!

17 year old Melody is NOT ME

I know that I see videos or blogs of people that say the same things as I am about to say but I feel the need to say this anyway.

I AM NOT WHO I WAS 3 YEARS AGO!

You guys have the "privilege" to watch me grow from late teens to early adulthood and that means you are also watching me go through mental growth and changes.
Most people realize this but every once in a while I get a complaint that I have changed (both the way I act and look) and they don't like it. Get over it! This is me NOW. Three years ago I was a pretty pathetic creature, in my opinion. I was still a child and I didn't know how to form opinions of my own or be my own person. I was still crushing on every guy that crossed my path! I remember even constantly worrying about how every single person in my school would view me.
I am almost 21 now and if you don't see how my views on things and my personality can change since the age of 17 you need a smack in the back of the head.

I am different than I was in high school and I will continue morphing as I grow. It's part of life and you are watching it.

ANTM

If you don't follow me on everything you might not already know that I am not-so-secretly in love with America's Next Top Model. When they first started it I avoided watching it because I judged it too quickly. One day about 3.5 years ago or so I watched reruns on TV and from then on I was hooked.
Most seasons I end up liking the weird girls that you know won't make it far. I like the interesting ones with fun personalities! But unfortunately, the girls I root for hardly ever make it near the end. In fact, I normally cringe when they announce the winners. McKey? Whitney? Saleisha? Bored.
If you watch the show you may be able to guess who I was rooting for based on what I've described. Allison and Celia were two that I liked. I had a feeling Celia wasn't going to win but I REALLY didn't think Allison would make it to the final two! What?? Creepy Chan? Final two? REALLY? She surprised me. She may be a little awkward but I loved her photographs and her walk really improved by the end.
By the time they were down to 5, I had a feeling Teyona was going to win. She's pretty, sure, but I didn't find that much interesting about her.
It always feel weird talking about the show like this because I don't normally follow TV series and I don't normally judge people this much but that's kind of the point of the show, right?
I don't even know if there was a point I wanted to make in this blog or if I just wanted to blabber on about ANTM. Meh.

"Guns don't kill people..."

I will make a blog about my mom some other time and her operation but right now I want to talk a bit about guns. I will keep this short.

I hate guns. I really do. I also hate how people try to defend them so much. Oh, shut up. I've heard it all and I think it's all lame.

Here's something someone wrote that kind of explains what I think.

I also hate hunting. If you live out there and you have to hunt to survive, go for it! But if you live in the city and go to the store to buy your meat but just go hunting for fun? Fuck you, seriously. Excuse my language. Sad, pathetic, I could go on. Have children and you got them a gun so they can shoot animals with you? Oh what a wonderful life! Oh yes, video games are horrible *rolls eyes*.

I don't think hunting or guns make someone manly or tough. Want to win over my heart? Use your brain.

I'm so glad I found a guy that's on my side with this. No wonder I don't like American men.

/rant

Going grey.

[Insert loud sigh here]
Yes, last VEDA video done today and in 24 minutes, it will be May 1st. April was weird. Weird weird weeeeeeeird. I blame it on VEDA. Oh and the fact that I worked only one day this month. It took a long time for my manager to get me on the schedule so I only worked a day I was called in because I think someone called in sick or something. I really re-start my job in this first week of May.
May already? Really? I am just realizing it's actually going kind of fast.

So why did VEDA mess with my mind so much? Because it's all I can think about! I wake up in the morning and have to plan my day around filming and editing a video which can be quite a chore, even for a simple one. And then I have to try and keep thinking about what I could possibly talk about the next day. Most of the time I would never think of anything but I couldn't stop thinking about it!
In fact, I still am. I feel like I have to make a video tomorrow! BLAH! NO VIDEO TOMORROW HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Enough about VEDA.

I'm getting old. I keep finding grey hairs. They are all about 2 inches long and in random spots on my head. Lovely! I'm not going to pull them out though because that trend seems pointless to me. It's just a grey hair, it's not a disease. Besides, even tugging on them hurts. I don't like pulling out my hair!
It just means I'm maturing. Ha.

Go away, I don't want you!

Blogs are great. I'm going to blog now.

Do you have shit to say about how our (mine and Isaac's) relationship and marriage won't work? Funny, I noticed you were a single old man that knows nothing about our relationship and strength.

Nothing against unmarried men that are advanced in age or anything... but complete offense to those that I am referring to. And yes, it's relevant to mention that you're SINGLE and OLD and a MAN. With those details I can easily come to the conclusion that you have no idea what you're talking about and there's even a possibility you want me single just so you can dream of having me. Sigh.

I still find it interesting that my demographics are 68% male and of those males, 35-65 is the normal age range. I don't mean to offend any of you who may happen to be in this category but I'm sure you could understand why it kind of makes me uncomfortable, right?

In YouTube (s)news, tomorrow is the last day of April so quite obviously it's the last day of VEDA. I. Can't. Wait. To get it over with. I almost don't remember what it's like to not feel like I have to film and edit and post a video every day. It will certainly be nice for Isaac. We can actually talk without him having to sit through me editing. This all really does cut into our together time.

I am planning on doing my last VEDA out somewhere. Vlogging outside has got to be one of the most awkward things for me to do. I have this social anxiety that's pretty hard to deal with. The feeling I get when I whip out a camera, even around friends, in public is already hard enough. I can't seem to talk to the camera with people around, bah! All I can worry about when by myself is, "What if someone walks out from around that corner right now? How will I look sitting here by myself talking to a camera?" Wahh!! Some people can do it, but I know I'm not alone with this.

Now... what should I talk about tomorrow? Meh.

Lists of things.

Place I currently wish I could go:

• ENGLAND. More specifically: Where Isaac is. Obviously.
  
• San Francisco. It has sounded like a fun place to go lately. I haven't been there in a while.
• Disneyland! I could really use the fun.
• The movie theater. I don't know if any movies are out but I haven't been to a movie theater in about a year or so. That shit's too much $.
• Some place with lots of animals. Maybe Wildlife Safari again or something. That place is AWESOME.
• Santa Cruz. Los Angeles... somewhere in California it seems! I love Oregon but sometimes (hardly, but SOMETIMES) I feel like a California person. Maybe because I was born in Santa Cruz? Nah, I just need to get away from here every once in a while.
• Some mountain. I want to hike.
• Seattle. I haven't gone to Washington since I was little and I REALLY want to go again.

People I want to see:

• Isaac. That should be a given. Seriously, did I NEED to say? <3
• Lindsay. I saw her a couple days ago as we went on a LONG walk all over the place but I want us to just chill or something.
• Amanda, Jen, and Megan. Plus Lindsay. All at once. I want our group back together! See, Amanda's in New Mexico now (well, now as in for almost 3 years haha), Jen's in Idaho with her husband Johnathan and baby in belly, and Megan's IN Oregon but we just don't talk or see each other. Sometimes the idea of just having that high school free silly fun seems so nice but I don't know if it will ever be the same. Oh well, still want us all together again even if it's to complain about work and talk about babies.
• David Bowie. As much as I am no longer OBSESSED, I am still BowieChick. I want to see him live in concert at least once or get to see him face to face and say, "Hey."
• Isaac's mom. Or mum? AHH WHAT IS SHE. She's going to be my mum. That's what I've decided. I won't call her my mother in law, she's just mum. I just want to meet her. Kind of all just related to how I just want to go there!
  
• Water. Water is a person I want to see. My throat and mouth are asking to meet it. AHH I'M THIRSTY AND CRAZY.

Things I wish I had:

• Chapstick on my lips RIGHT NOW. They are bothering me. Ok, wish just granted.
• Isaac's arms around me and his lips on my cheek. Oh, sorry.
  
• Different clothes. I get so sick of what I own and I am so tired of always wearing t-shirts and jeans and simple hoodies. I mean, it was great during high school but I'm not in high school anymore and it just makes me feel sloppy and a bit more ugly. I see others dressed like that and people can pull it off but I no longer am into it for myself. I like nice clothes, I really do. I just don't know how to dress myself and never have the money if I do see something I would love.
  
• An apartment of my own. I know that staying here as long as I am allowed is really a nice thing for my parents to allow but I am getting to that point where I feel the need to get out. I know it isn't possible without money so...
  
• Money and lots of it. Money can't buy happiness? I say BAH! Sure, I understand that saying but it all depends on how you use what you have spent that money on that makes you happy. I mean, that money could buy me a plane ticket to see Isaac at least once in 2009 and seeing him would make me happier. Or having the kind of money to buy a new computer for myself would mean I wouldn't have to use my dad's causing us to have arguments over who gets to use the computer and stuff. Or when I AM forced to use my computer I can't talk to Isaac on Skype because it drops every 10 seconds making me very angry and NOT happy. Computer = How I communicate with Isaac. Isaac = Happy. So, working computer all my own = happy.
  Whoa, went on a little rant there but don't worry, I won't be spending any money I earn on a new computer anytime soon. In fact, probably no new computer for me until long after 2010. Oh well, I'll deal.

What I don't like about myself right now:

• My obvious want for money and materialistic items. Shame.
• My weight.
• My laziness and lack of energy.
• Reaccuring lack of creativity.
• Inability to write or speak properly.
• My screwed up sleep times.

What I do like about myself right now:

• My heart. If feels nice all the time.
• I haven't chewed on my nails in ages.
• The way my hair looked today.
  

What I hope to accomplish this year:

• Earn enough money on my own to pay for wedding, some sort of honeymoon, to help with Isaac's trip and shipping his stuff over (even if I don't have to), and still have enough saved up for everything else.
• Get back into painting.
• Make more stuff for Etsy.
• Read a zillion books. Not really, just more than normal.
• ChaCha a lot. I became a guide and it's kind of fun!
• Do the best I can do at work. In the end, I'm getting payed to do it and that's great. Plus, everyone's amazing. Work is good, I need to remember.
• Figure out what's wrong with my bike gears, fix it, and ride it more.
• Lose at least 15 pounds.
• Become a better friend.
• Realize that I can make great friends on YouTube. I just need to be open to it in order for that to happen. I am a crap communicator, replyer, and internet friend.
  

Wind up working in a gas station

I felt like writing a blog because even though I am vlogging everyday, I just feel more freedom in blogs. I mean, I don't even have to make sense and I don't seem to get complaints! Blogs are a little less strict.

Today was pretty boring. Nothing new there. I woke up at 10 which I hate doing. It feels too late to me. I mean, I love it if I stayed up until like 3 AM or something but ugh, I really DO like waking up at 8ish. Not surprisingly though, if I HAVE to wake up at 8ish to go to something I DON'T want to wake up. I have been waking around 10 lately and it makes me feel bad. I missed out on 2 perfectly good morning hours! And then I just end up eating a brunch instead of breakfast OR lunch and my day feels screwed.

I did go to the library though and returned my other book and got "Sloppy Firsts" by Megan McCafferty as suggested by HayleyGHoover on her blog.

I've been more into reading blogs lately, always checking my subscriptions on blogger to see if there's anything new to read. A constant reminder that I have a boring life... and that I suck at writing. Oh well, never thought I was good at it anyways. :)

I go through stages with my hair. Like the stages of not wanting to straighten it or anything and i just wear it in a naturally curly/frizzy ponytail and look like a mess. Or where I only wear it down and straight. Or only wear it UP and straight. Well as you might be able to tell I am currently in the down and curled (not natural curl, obviously) faze. I like this one, it makes me feel slightly less ugly and blah.

I am going to go through the comments on today's video and try and figure out what I am going to do tomorrow.

But first, I think I'm going to make a list. Or two. I feel like making lists, damn it! I will make it a separate post. Just because.

NewTube?

I gave in and had a look at the current beginning selection of movies and shows available on YouTube now. I watched Carrie because I have never seen the whole thing before. That movie is just terrible! I mean like I can see why people liked it but it makes me angry and grosses me out. Anyways. It's weird, people said that the commercials ruined it but I didn't get commercials. But when I refreshed the page after watching the whole thing, there were commercials and ads. I could see the little yellow tabs for where all of them would be. Why weren't they there the first time?
I don't know, I'm fine I guess with them having this stuff I just hope it stays a little tab and they don't make it all the front page is about or something.

My video I uploaded today (the 16th) has crap quality. I filmed it with my camcorder which CAN have goodish quality but I did it in a pretty badly lit room so I had to up the brightness when editing which made it look a bit weird but then as I tried to export it widescreen, it went poo. It has bars all around and it is all pixely. I spent about an hour trying to play around with export settings on Adobe Premiere Elements 2.0 and then uploading private little tests to YouTube. Freakin' annoying. But I finally found out how to do it.... I think. I will really test it tomorrow when I make a video. We'll see how that works. Ahh!

I just realized it's 1:11 AM and I had plans on waking up earlier. Why do I do this? Blah!

Bye.

Stop

I wish people would stop telling me how to live my life. People I have never met and people who don't know me. It just makes me angry. Stop please, now. Just. Stop. Telling. Me. What. To. Do.
The end bye.

Response

I felt like responding to this comment on my last blog. I don't know who did it but whatever.

"You make your life too complicated. First anyone who has watched your videos for even a short time has seen video of you without makeup and/or with your hair in a curly wet ponytail. Maybe even a video of you in your PJs? Could be wrong about the PJs though. So if they weren't bothered enough to stop watching your videos the first time they saw you like that, they probably won't be now."
I don't make my life complicated, I don't know what that's all about. Just because I don't want to make a video when I'm not comfortable doesn't mean I am making things complicated. And I never said the reason is because I think people will unsubscribe, I could care less. I thought it was simple enough just to say I am not comfortable with it. I don't go out in public that way and I don't like people seeing me like that. I am not going to post a video I am uncomfortable with the public seeing. Sometimes I may post a video but when I'm sick I really don't want the world to see me.

"Anyway, isn't that what v-bloging is about? Real life? Unless you're are just aspiring to be one of those fake YouTube Partner v-blogers. Which would be sad if it was true."
I think you're looking too far into this. I am not trying to be fake, I am simply not comfortable without makeup and my hair all shit. I don't share every aspect of my life on YouTube and that is one I wish to rarely show, it doesn't make me at all fake.

"Same thing with your job. Don't make it complicated, by worrying about what other people are thinking. Just take care of yourself. Do your best work, have fun doing it as much as possible, and enjoy the people you are working with. That way things wont be so difficult for you."
Do you think I am choosing to think that way? It's just my insecurity that I have always dealt with. I can't just say to myself, "Ooh Melody, you're making it too complicated for yourself! Stop!" It's just how I am.

I am sure this comment was made with good intentions, or I hope anyways. I just felt like responding because it kind of felt like this person just assumes I am doing things for a reason and that they know what they are. Or something.

I have to go do stuff bye.

Ooh I want Poptarts!!

Apparently the new Red Dwarf is crap. That's sad.

I didn't post a video today or yesterday which kind of ruins the whole idea of Vlogging EVERY DAY in April. Meh, people will get over it if they even care. I went into the whole thing with the idea in mind that I probably wouldn't be able to succeed in doing it every day. If I was to be doing the BLOG Every Day April, I would most likely be able to do it.
The truth is, I'm a girl who doesn't like the world to see me without makeup and with my hair in an ugly unruly curly wet ponytail. Oh and in PJs. I COULD easily get all ready just to make a video but I am sick right now with a pretty annoying cold and the IDEA of doing that is enough to make my head hurt.
Oh well, it's not the end of the world. Or even the month. I will still try to make as many videos as I can this month. I haven't completely given up on VEDA. Or even Vlog ALMOST Every Day April. VAEDA. It's an interesting experience and challenge.

I eat so much when I have a cold. It's pretty pathetic actually. At least I got some healthy food in today, haha.

I'm not sure when I will be starting work yet. I went in on Wednesday just to talk to the manager and get things sorted but I guess she wasn't able to "get me back in the system" until today. Whatever that means. I will go in tomorrow just to sign something and that's all I know. It may take a couple weeks to get me on the schedule. That would make sense, considering the schedules for these two weeks are already posted. Hmm.
It will feel so strange going back there. I left with the idea in my head that I wasn't going back and that my last day was my LAST DAY THERE. Not that I'm dreading going back, it will just be weird. Will it feel like going back in time 6ish months? I already feel kind of like that when I just go in to walk around!
I think it took me so long to go back just because I felt this fear of admitting in some way that I should have never left and that even though I some reason thought I could find better, I ended up in a crap job with hardly any money. Before I left, when I put in my two weeks notice, the manager told me that I could instead just take a month off while Isaac was here! That's an amazing opportunity. I mean, how many retail stores in America give someone that has only been there like 5 months a chance to take a month off and still have the job? That's hard to find, really. I am sure another reason I didn't just take that opportunity is because I'm kind of stubborn I guess. I already had it settled in my brain that I was leaving.
I will always remember this one day I went in to pick up my last paycheck. Isaac was with me (we also got some green fabric for a green screen but it has yet to be tested!) and he waited downstairs. I went up with one of the managers. She is one of those people who I just got the feeling didn't like me. I am bad with feelings though, I just assume most people don't like me. Anyways, we went upstairs to the office and I was signing some papers when she said, "I really miss having you here". Or something along those lines. I didn't know how to react, I wasn't expecting it at all.
And there's another one that I had some problems with in the beginning. The basic story of that is that I called in sick and must have gotten on her wrong nerve. She assumed I was faking and the way she spoke to me made me feel horrible. But as time went on, she made a point to tell me that I have really proven myself to her.
Now going back in there and having them seem happy to see me is just so wonderful. I didn't realize how great I had it there! I just don't have that confidence that I am good enough and when I am appreciated by people I work with/for, it makes me unbelievably happy. I think I got pretty lucky with that job and the people that work there.
I am curious to know what all those new women are like though. I hope none of them dislike me too much! Haha. "Who's this new person coming in acting like they already know everything??"
I wonder if I will eventually remember how to use the machines again.

I think Isaac was just doing a bit of the "Single Ladies" song. Haha!

Done talking.

Vlog every day?

Yesterday I decided that today would be my day to be "crafty". I haven't done anything artistic in a while and I thought it'd be a good time. It's a bit complicated to work around talking Isaac for hours especially when I feel restricted on the computer so no conversation today, which is sad. But we will message a bit so it's all good.
I have some ideas of what I'm going to do but I'm just going to try to get in that zone. I miss being in the artsy mood! I know that the place I used to work really inspired me to be more artistic and that's yet ANOTHER thing that's good about it. Ahh!

So I noticed I seem to make a vlog about once a month now and I thought that whole "vlog everyday April" thing would be kind of.. interesting. I know it will make people unsubscribe but I kind of what to do it. For myself. No real set reasons though. I don't even know how it will work out and if I will actually be able to get myself to vlog EVERY DAY in April. Well, I'll think about it. I only have one day to think but we'll see. You guys will know whether I decide to do it or not obviously if I post a video tomorrow and stuff. I am a pretty lazy person and like to spend some days with crazy curly ugly hair or in PJs so I'm not sure how this will work out...

I made myself a hamburger and fries for lunch and I'm so stuffed. I couldn't finish it. I feel sick now, I'm not used to eating that much for lunch. BLAHH!

Caution: HOT!

HANDLE WITH CARE
ESPECIALLY WHEN
SERVING CHILDREN

I am eating Maruchan Instant Lunch which I don't really like that much but there's not much in the house that's "instant" and I'm not in the mood to make anything. Sad, I know. I probably won't eat much or anything, just until I'm no longer hungry. Personally, I prefer Top Ramen in the whole "Easy to make cheap unhealthy noodle" category. I know it's shit but I used to eat it dry sometimes. Just sprinkle on the seasoning and break off a piece. Whatever, I do what I want!

I haven't blogged in a while. I don't really have anything to say I guess. That never stopped me before, I never have anything to say.

I applied again at my old job. I was already thinking about it but then an anonymous person in my comments on here suggested I re-apply there. I got more encouragement to do so when I got a comment from an old co-worker telling me to come back. I went in yesterday to speak with the manager and she said that as soon as there is an opening, she's calling me. She tends to hire people when she already has too many employees so I might be getting the job back pretty soon. Who knows though, I'm just top of the list. She even took my application and put it on top of all the others but with it sticking up to make it stand out. :)

It made me feel good to have some of the people there seeming excited to see me. I think that's one reason it was nicer to work there. I don't seem to easily get along with people my age but most of the people there are.. well.. not as young as myself. Plus I've never seen a guy working there EVER and most men piss me off. Man, I'm picky aren't I? Maybe it's just people in my area though...

I really do hope I get that job back soon because I miss getting money. I constantly regret how I treated money when I first worked there. I just hadn't learned my lesson yet about it and I thought, "Ahh it's just $20" or just not even thinking. I am sure that I even spent about half the money I EARNED in the same store I worked in. How sad is that? I have so much more to save for now. I can't be just spending my money like it's nothing! I feel as though my view of money and how to manage it has really improved and I feel it won't be a big problem. But, gosh, I do miss all that money.

Enough money and job talk.

Sundays aren't really my favorite days. In fact, probably my least favorite. But today is going alright. I actually feel like I can relax today and be totally lazy. I'm surprised I'm not in pajamas! I wish I had chocolate around the house though because that crap sounds good. Mmmmmm. Or chocolate ice cream. But not just plain chocolate ice cream, I mean chocolate ice cream with chunks of chocolate and stuff in it. Or really just any of the Ben & Jerry's brand. That stuff is... AHH STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! I'm torturing myself with these thoughts.

Bye guys.

Bubblegum ice cream 'n' things (Picture Blog)

I looove bubblegum ice cream. I can't explain why, I just think it's wonderful. Maybe because it's not an easy find. Maybe because it brings back memories of getting it as a kid. Whatever it is, it's awesome. Both of those are bubblegum ice cream, both from the same place. Sometimes they have pink sometimes blue. My mom sometimes takes me (either just us or with niece and nephew) to this one supermarket that also sells ice cream by the scoop. If you're like me, you agree that most ice cream places are a HUGE RIPOFF. I mean, most charge the same for one tiny scoop as it would cost to just buy a WHOLE carton of ice cream. But can you believe that ice cream cone is what they call a "one scoop"? AND IT COST $1.20! I'm not kidding you! This place is seriously the best in the whole world. YES! Though "one scoop" on a cone is definitely more than you get in a bowl so I will always go for the cone.
My nephew really enjoyed his child size chocolate ice cream too:

HAHA!


Peter and Ziggy are just chillin'. Peter recently went through his first molt since I've had him which is why he has all those pinfeathers on his head and his cere looks flaky. Pinfeathers never look that nice but he will always be cute!
Both him and Ziggy have been pretty um... *clears throat*... randy lately. Not with each other or anything... yet... but with toys. They both have a different toy that they have been humping like animals... because they are animals. It's funny because Ziggy never did that before until Peter was in there. I never thought that she would, being a girl and all. Oh well, it's pretty funny to see them do. I don't think they will start going after each other anytime soon. They do feed each other which looks like kissing but as soon as Peter tries getting too close to Ziggy, she'll attack him. Poor thing. He has learned to defend himself a bit though but knows to just get out of her way. Ziggy has permanant birdie PMS.


And here's me with my friend Jackson. Isaac and I got him from the Family Fun Center or something, if I remember correctly. He accompanies me in my car every day. There is no reason as to why I am making that face. None at all.


I have had many of these coins since I was in elementary school. I don't know why and I don't know what to do with them either. They just sit in a box in a drawer. There are a couple from Isaac, if you couldn't guess, but the rest have no significance. I have never been to the places and there are a few that I can't even figure out what country they are from! Bahh! I also have a bunch of "fancy" rocks in the same box. What am I supposed to do with it all??

Hungry for a better job

It's hard being employed yet feeling like you... aren't.
I keep trying to look for other jobs but you all should know how that is.

Ok so this place I work for has crap schedules since it's inventory and it all depends on what stores need you at the time and how many people they need. So it's not like we all get to go on every job. Every schedule you receive in the mail is COMPLETELY different. One week you may work ONE store that might even take 2 hours to do. Some weeks you may work a bunch of long shifts. It's all over the place! I already complained about the whacked hours so I won't even go there again.

Anyways, they send a schedule to you and you call and confirm which ones you will do. I normally do all they send me but in the end, I won't get very many jobs a month and my income is just shit. Well I am scheduled to work Tuesday and Wednesday next week and that's it. I kept waiting to receive a schedule in the mail for the next couple weeks but didn't get anything. Well just now I got the next schedule... BUT IT'S NOT UNTIL APRIL 16TH!

So that means I have a WHOLE MONTH off. Sounds wonderful, right? NO. I need money. It makes me feel unemployed. Even if they call me and ask me to do a store or two in between this time, it really won't help much in the end.

Plus the longer I am with this place the more I see WHY people online always say to get out of there as soon as I can. "Accuracy is our number one priority". Oh yeah? I think they should change that to SPEED is their number one priority. I feel like all I hear them talk about is their APH! And so many people seem to be just so grumpy all the time and I don't want to be like that. Also, I don't like traveling so much. I always fear my safety. It's not fun.

I've been trying frantically to find another job. Ugh this is hard.

There is hope for Isaac though. Someone he used to work with called him up and told him there's a job opening somewhere so Isaac went to hand in his CV (résumé for us non-Brits haha). That was a couple days ago and as far as I'm aware he hasn't heard anything since but I am really hoping he will hear back from them. Jobs are just as hard to find where he lives... if not harder.

Ok I better get out of PJs and wake up so I can do something productive.

Who else is having problems with their jobs? Go ahead, complain!

ABC Survey, long.

A

- Available: Hell no.
- Age: 20
- Annoyance: Not having enough hours in my day today.
- Animal: Budgies!
- Actor: I don't have favorite actors.
- Actress: Don't have favorites, don't care to.

B

- Beer: Don't drink.
- Birthday/Birthplace: August 7 1988 in Santa Cruz, California!
- Best Friends: Isaac and Lindsay.
- Body Part on the opposite sex: I never had a favorite man-part (ahh!) but I like Isaac's lips, jaw, and ass. HAHAHA!
- Best feeling in the world: Love is great, seriously. It's totally NOT overrated!
- Best weather: Sunny but not too hot. I don't like to sweat too much and hate when it's so hot you can't move.
- Been on stage?: Yes. A couple times. A long time ago.
- Believe in yourself?: Sometimes.
- Believe in life on other planets: Well there could be, I'm open.
- Believe in miracles: Something like that.
- Believe in Magic: Illusions and "magical events".
- Believe in Religion: I believe religions exist, obviously! Strange question.
- Believe in Santa: No.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: I think about it, but don't have an answer.

C

- Car: I have one.
- Candy: I love it all!!!!!!!
- Cried in school: Yes, I'm a cry baby.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate most of the time.
- Chinese/Mexican: That's a hard one. Mexican is always good but I do love Chinese.
- Cake or pie: Cake.
- Country to visit: I would like to visit England for obvious reasons.

D

- Day or Night: Depends on what for. Normally day but night is nice too. :)
- Dream vehicle: I don't have one. Something nice and not too big.
- Dance: I only really do joke dancing. I can't dance.
- Dance in the rain?: Never really think about doing it but I've done it before.
- Do the splits?: Hell no. My knees have always been bad and last time I tried that was in middle school and my knee popped out of place! I am too afraid to try again because that's a HORRIBLE position to be in when your knee goes out.

E

- Eggs: Scrambled with bits of bacon or over easy. I don't like how most people cook them though so I have to do them myself... or my mom does.
- Eyes: I have them, yes. They are some greenish grayish Idontknowish coloer.
- Everyone has an: ass.
- Ever failed a class?: Yes.

F

- First crush: I think it was a guy name Jeff.
- Full name: Melody Nonyo Bezwax!
- First thoughts waking up: Ahh I didn't mean to sleep until 9!

G

- Greatest Fear(s): I don't want to think about it, I have so many.
- Goals: I have a bunch of those too. Don't know if they are goals as much as hopes though.
- Gum: I used to chew it all the time but now it's annoying. I still chew it on rare occasions.
- Get along with your parents?: Mom moreso.
- Good luck charm: Don't have one. Isaac's pretty charming though and he makes me feel lucky.

H

- Hair Colour: Brown with a tint of auburn. Haven't dyed it in a while.
- Height: 5′2″
- Happy: For the most part!
- Holiday: I like Halloween, it's fun normally.
- How do you want to die: Old and happy.
- Health freak?: Not really. It's not like I will just eat any junk I want but I don't really make as much effort as I should to eat right.
- Hate: The way so many people seem to view the world and other people. I hate how hateful so many people are.

I

- Ice Cream: I LOVE IT ALL.
- Instrument: I love when Isaac plays guitar but I don't play anything.

J

- Jewelery: I have mostly cheap stuff from Icing or places like that. The thing I wear more than anything is my engagement ring, obviously.
- Job: Crap inventory taker person.

K

- Kids: Don't have them but want them in the future. But not until we are financially and mentally completely ready. Don't want to be stupid about it. Things will happen as they happen though, no matter how we plan it.
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate.
- Keep a journal?: Used to but about mid-2008 I finished my last one and stated that I was done. I don't have a need for it anymore. I have 4 old ones though that are full.

L

- Longest Car Ride: Probably just the ones to California or Washington but I was young when we went on those so they ALL felt like days.
- Love: is good.
- Letter(s): As in of the alphabet or mail? I still write an occasional one to Isaac in the mail but everything it pretty much done online now.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Oh yeah.
- Love at first sight: No.

M

- Milk flavour: Chocolate. How many are there?
- Movie: Don't have a favorite.
- Mooned anyone?: Yeah when I was younger.
- Marriage: Getting there.
- Motion sickness?: Only if I already feel sick.
- McD’s or BK: BK I guess... or NEITHER.

N

- Number of Siblings: 7
- Number of Piercings: Ears
- Number: Don't have a favorite. Don't have a point.

O

- Overused Phrases: I don't know
- One phobia: Barf

P

- Place you’d like to live: Anywhere nice and isn't too expensive.
- Perfect Pizza: I love when some places make pepperoni on the pizza curl up and get crispy on the edges.
- Pepsi/Coke: Pepsi.

Q

- Quail: WTF?

R

- Reason to cry: I always find reasons to cry. Whether it is something serious and extremely cry-worthy or a freakin' Pampers commercial.
- Reality T.V.: America's Next Top Model WHICH IS ON SOON!
- Radio Station: Oldies.
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: Yeah.

S

- Song: Lots.
- Salad: GREEN with either Italian or Caesar dressing.
- Shrimp?: Fried, maybe.
- Sport?: I don't know!
- Skipped school: Only with my mom KNOWING. I did cut a PE Class once with Lindsay and we instead walked to McDonalds. I got ice-cream. Yeah, skip PE and eat crap! Hey, we walked at least.
- Slept outside: Yes, I love sleeping outside but not when it's cold.
- Seen a dead body?: Only of animals.
- Shower Daily?: Normally unless I'm having a lazy day.
- Sing well?: No!
- Stuffed Animals?: Have one, I think. Well it's a puppet.
- Single/Group dates: Single with Isaaaaaaaac!
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries though I'm beginning to like blueberry things again.
- Scientists need to invent: Lots of things! Can't think now. But if I was willing to take my time, I'd think of PLENTY of things.

T

- Time for bed: Whenever. Depends on when/if I work the next day.
- Thunderstorms: Are fun sometimes!
- TV: is kind of lame most of the time.
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: No.

U

- Unpredictable: Isaac just said, "I'd say so!"

V

- Vegetable you hate: Green beans. Unless they are the unhealthy kinds from a can. Those are good, I think.
- Vegetable you love: There are so many!
- Vacation spot: Oregon coast!

W

- Weakness: Cakes, cookies, candy, chocolates! Anything crap for me!
- When you grow up: I will be older.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: Well Lindsay and I have the most in common but we don't really act like each other. We are all different.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Isaac.
- Worst feeling: When I want to give up on everything, including myself.
- Wanted to be a model: Yes, but then I realized I wasn't growing any taller. I still think it'd be fun.. if I was photogenic, taller, and thinner.
- Worst weather: When it's so windy it hurts COMBINED with freezing air.

X

-X-Ray: I've had them done to my teeth.

Y

-Year now?: 2009
-Yellow: Is a fun color but can't wear it!

Z

- Zoo animal: Monkeys are cool! Kings of the swings. Isaac wanted me to say that.
- Zodiac sign: Leo.

Last person who:

- Saw you cry: Isaac.
- Went to the movies with you: Probably Lindsay. It's been bloody AGES. Dark Knight.
- You went to the mall with: Myself. But before that it was my niece.
- Went to dinner with: I haven't gone out to dinner in so long. I don't even remember.
- Talked to on the phone: Lindsay I think.
- Made you laugh: Isaac.