Response

I felt like responding to this comment on my last blog. I don't know who did it but whatever.

"You make your life too complicated. First anyone who has watched your videos for even a short time has seen video of you without makeup and/or with your hair in a curly wet ponytail. Maybe even a video of you in your PJs? Could be wrong about the PJs though. So if they weren't bothered enough to stop watching your videos the first time they saw you like that, they probably won't be now."
I don't make my life complicated, I don't know what that's all about. Just because I don't want to make a video when I'm not comfortable doesn't mean I am making things complicated. And I never said the reason is because I think people will unsubscribe, I could care less. I thought it was simple enough just to say I am not comfortable with it. I don't go out in public that way and I don't like people seeing me like that. I am not going to post a video I am uncomfortable with the public seeing. Sometimes I may post a video but when I'm sick I really don't want the world to see me.

"Anyway, isn't that what v-bloging is about? Real life? Unless you're are just aspiring to be one of those fake YouTube Partner v-blogers. Which would be sad if it was true."
I think you're looking too far into this. I am not trying to be fake, I am simply not comfortable without makeup and my hair all shit. I don't share every aspect of my life on YouTube and that is one I wish to rarely show, it doesn't make me at all fake.

"Same thing with your job. Don't make it complicated, by worrying about what other people are thinking. Just take care of yourself. Do your best work, have fun doing it as much as possible, and enjoy the people you are working with. That way things wont be so difficult for you."
Do you think I am choosing to think that way? It's just my insecurity that I have always dealt with. I can't just say to myself, "Ooh Melody, you're making it too complicated for yourself! Stop!" It's just how I am.

I am sure this comment was made with good intentions, or I hope anyways. I just felt like responding because it kind of felt like this person just assumes I am doing things for a reason and that they know what they are. Or something.

I have to go do stuff bye.

Ooh I want Poptarts!!

Apparently the new Red Dwarf is crap. That's sad.

I didn't post a video today or yesterday which kind of ruins the whole idea of Vlogging EVERY DAY in April. Meh, people will get over it if they even care. I went into the whole thing with the idea in mind that I probably wouldn't be able to succeed in doing it every day. If I was to be doing the BLOG Every Day April, I would most likely be able to do it.
The truth is, I'm a girl who doesn't like the world to see me without makeup and with my hair in an ugly unruly curly wet ponytail. Oh and in PJs. I COULD easily get all ready just to make a video but I am sick right now with a pretty annoying cold and the IDEA of doing that is enough to make my head hurt.
Oh well, it's not the end of the world. Or even the month. I will still try to make as many videos as I can this month. I haven't completely given up on VEDA. Or even Vlog ALMOST Every Day April. VAEDA. It's an interesting experience and challenge.

I eat so much when I have a cold. It's pretty pathetic actually. At least I got some healthy food in today, haha.

I'm not sure when I will be starting work yet. I went in on Wednesday just to talk to the manager and get things sorted but I guess she wasn't able to "get me back in the system" until today. Whatever that means. I will go in tomorrow just to sign something and that's all I know. It may take a couple weeks to get me on the schedule. That would make sense, considering the schedules for these two weeks are already posted. Hmm.
It will feel so strange going back there. I left with the idea in my head that I wasn't going back and that my last day was my LAST DAY THERE. Not that I'm dreading going back, it will just be weird. Will it feel like going back in time 6ish months? I already feel kind of like that when I just go in to walk around!
I think it took me so long to go back just because I felt this fear of admitting in some way that I should have never left and that even though I some reason thought I could find better, I ended up in a crap job with hardly any money. Before I left, when I put in my two weeks notice, the manager told me that I could instead just take a month off while Isaac was here! That's an amazing opportunity. I mean, how many retail stores in America give someone that has only been there like 5 months a chance to take a month off and still have the job? That's hard to find, really. I am sure another reason I didn't just take that opportunity is because I'm kind of stubborn I guess. I already had it settled in my brain that I was leaving.
I will always remember this one day I went in to pick up my last paycheck. Isaac was with me (we also got some green fabric for a green screen but it has yet to be tested!) and he waited downstairs. I went up with one of the managers. She is one of those people who I just got the feeling didn't like me. I am bad with feelings though, I just assume most people don't like me. Anyways, we went upstairs to the office and I was signing some papers when she said, "I really miss having you here". Or something along those lines. I didn't know how to react, I wasn't expecting it at all.
And there's another one that I had some problems with in the beginning. The basic story of that is that I called in sick and must have gotten on her wrong nerve. She assumed I was faking and the way she spoke to me made me feel horrible. But as time went on, she made a point to tell me that I have really proven myself to her.
Now going back in there and having them seem happy to see me is just so wonderful. I didn't realize how great I had it there! I just don't have that confidence that I am good enough and when I am appreciated by people I work with/for, it makes me unbelievably happy. I think I got pretty lucky with that job and the people that work there.
I am curious to know what all those new women are like though. I hope none of them dislike me too much! Haha. "Who's this new person coming in acting like they already know everything??"
I wonder if I will eventually remember how to use the machines again.

I think Isaac was just doing a bit of the "Single Ladies" song. Haha!

Done talking.

Vlog every day?

Yesterday I decided that today would be my day to be "crafty". I haven't done anything artistic in a while and I thought it'd be a good time. It's a bit complicated to work around talking Isaac for hours especially when I feel restricted on the computer so no conversation today, which is sad. But we will message a bit so it's all good.
I have some ideas of what I'm going to do but I'm just going to try to get in that zone. I miss being in the artsy mood! I know that the place I used to work really inspired me to be more artistic and that's yet ANOTHER thing that's good about it. Ahh!

So I noticed I seem to make a vlog about once a month now and I thought that whole "vlog everyday April" thing would be kind of.. interesting. I know it will make people unsubscribe but I kind of what to do it. For myself. No real set reasons though. I don't even know how it will work out and if I will actually be able to get myself to vlog EVERY DAY in April. Well, I'll think about it. I only have one day to think but we'll see. You guys will know whether I decide to do it or not obviously if I post a video tomorrow and stuff. I am a pretty lazy person and like to spend some days with crazy curly ugly hair or in PJs so I'm not sure how this will work out...

I made myself a hamburger and fries for lunch and I'm so stuffed. I couldn't finish it. I feel sick now, I'm not used to eating that much for lunch. BLAHH!

Caution: HOT!

HANDLE WITH CARE
ESPECIALLY WHEN
SERVING CHILDREN

I am eating Maruchan Instant Lunch which I don't really like that much but there's not much in the house that's "instant" and I'm not in the mood to make anything. Sad, I know. I probably won't eat much or anything, just until I'm no longer hungry. Personally, I prefer Top Ramen in the whole "Easy to make cheap unhealthy noodle" category. I know it's shit but I used to eat it dry sometimes. Just sprinkle on the seasoning and break off a piece. Whatever, I do what I want!

I haven't blogged in a while. I don't really have anything to say I guess. That never stopped me before, I never have anything to say.

I applied again at my old job. I was already thinking about it but then an anonymous person in my comments on here suggested I re-apply there. I got more encouragement to do so when I got a comment from an old co-worker telling me to come back. I went in yesterday to speak with the manager and she said that as soon as there is an opening, she's calling me. She tends to hire people when she already has too many employees so I might be getting the job back pretty soon. Who knows though, I'm just top of the list. She even took my application and put it on top of all the others but with it sticking up to make it stand out. :)

It made me feel good to have some of the people there seeming excited to see me. I think that's one reason it was nicer to work there. I don't seem to easily get along with people my age but most of the people there are.. well.. not as young as myself. Plus I've never seen a guy working there EVER and most men piss me off. Man, I'm picky aren't I? Maybe it's just people in my area though...

I really do hope I get that job back soon because I miss getting money. I constantly regret how I treated money when I first worked there. I just hadn't learned my lesson yet about it and I thought, "Ahh it's just $20" or just not even thinking. I am sure that I even spent about half the money I EARNED in the same store I worked in. How sad is that? I have so much more to save for now. I can't be just spending my money like it's nothing! I feel as though my view of money and how to manage it has really improved and I feel it won't be a big problem. But, gosh, I do miss all that money.

Enough money and job talk.

Sundays aren't really my favorite days. In fact, probably my least favorite. But today is going alright. I actually feel like I can relax today and be totally lazy. I'm surprised I'm not in pajamas! I wish I had chocolate around the house though because that crap sounds good. Mmmmmm. Or chocolate ice cream. But not just plain chocolate ice cream, I mean chocolate ice cream with chunks of chocolate and stuff in it. Or really just any of the Ben & Jerry's brand. That stuff is... AHH STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! I'm torturing myself with these thoughts.

Bye guys.

Bubblegum ice cream 'n' things (Picture Blog)

I looove bubblegum ice cream. I can't explain why, I just think it's wonderful. Maybe because it's not an easy find. Maybe because it brings back memories of getting it as a kid. Whatever it is, it's awesome. Both of those are bubblegum ice cream, both from the same place. Sometimes they have pink sometimes blue. My mom sometimes takes me (either just us or with niece and nephew) to this one supermarket that also sells ice cream by the scoop. If you're like me, you agree that most ice cream places are a HUGE RIPOFF. I mean, most charge the same for one tiny scoop as it would cost to just buy a WHOLE carton of ice cream. But can you believe that ice cream cone is what they call a "one scoop"? AND IT COST $1.20! I'm not kidding you! This place is seriously the best in the whole world. YES! Though "one scoop" on a cone is definitely more than you get in a bowl so I will always go for the cone.
My nephew really enjoyed his child size chocolate ice cream too:

HAHA!


Peter and Ziggy are just chillin'. Peter recently went through his first molt since I've had him which is why he has all those pinfeathers on his head and his cere looks flaky. Pinfeathers never look that nice but he will always be cute!
Both him and Ziggy have been pretty um... *clears throat*... randy lately. Not with each other or anything... yet... but with toys. They both have a different toy that they have been humping like animals... because they are animals. It's funny because Ziggy never did that before until Peter was in there. I never thought that she would, being a girl and all. Oh well, it's pretty funny to see them do. I don't think they will start going after each other anytime soon. They do feed each other which looks like kissing but as soon as Peter tries getting too close to Ziggy, she'll attack him. Poor thing. He has learned to defend himself a bit though but knows to just get out of her way. Ziggy has permanant birdie PMS.


And here's me with my friend Jackson. Isaac and I got him from the Family Fun Center or something, if I remember correctly. He accompanies me in my car every day. There is no reason as to why I am making that face. None at all.


I have had many of these coins since I was in elementary school. I don't know why and I don't know what to do with them either. They just sit in a box in a drawer. There are a couple from Isaac, if you couldn't guess, but the rest have no significance. I have never been to the places and there are a few that I can't even figure out what country they are from! Bahh! I also have a bunch of "fancy" rocks in the same box. What am I supposed to do with it all??

Hungry for a better job

It's hard being employed yet feeling like you... aren't.
I keep trying to look for other jobs but you all should know how that is.

Ok so this place I work for has crap schedules since it's inventory and it all depends on what stores need you at the time and how many people they need. So it's not like we all get to go on every job. Every schedule you receive in the mail is COMPLETELY different. One week you may work ONE store that might even take 2 hours to do. Some weeks you may work a bunch of long shifts. It's all over the place! I already complained about the whacked hours so I won't even go there again.

Anyways, they send a schedule to you and you call and confirm which ones you will do. I normally do all they send me but in the end, I won't get very many jobs a month and my income is just shit. Well I am scheduled to work Tuesday and Wednesday next week and that's it. I kept waiting to receive a schedule in the mail for the next couple weeks but didn't get anything. Well just now I got the next schedule... BUT IT'S NOT UNTIL APRIL 16TH!

So that means I have a WHOLE MONTH off. Sounds wonderful, right? NO. I need money. It makes me feel unemployed. Even if they call me and ask me to do a store or two in between this time, it really won't help much in the end.

Plus the longer I am with this place the more I see WHY people online always say to get out of there as soon as I can. "Accuracy is our number one priority". Oh yeah? I think they should change that to SPEED is their number one priority. I feel like all I hear them talk about is their APH! And so many people seem to be just so grumpy all the time and I don't want to be like that. Also, I don't like traveling so much. I always fear my safety. It's not fun.

I've been trying frantically to find another job. Ugh this is hard.

There is hope for Isaac though. Someone he used to work with called him up and told him there's a job opening somewhere so Isaac went to hand in his CV (résumé for us non-Brits haha). That was a couple days ago and as far as I'm aware he hasn't heard anything since but I am really hoping he will hear back from them. Jobs are just as hard to find where he lives... if not harder.

Ok I better get out of PJs and wake up so I can do something productive.

Who else is having problems with their jobs? Go ahead, complain!

ABC Survey, long.

A

- Available: Hell no.
- Age: 20
- Annoyance: Not having enough hours in my day today.
- Animal: Budgies!
- Actor: I don't have favorite actors.
- Actress: Don't have favorites, don't care to.

B

- Beer: Don't drink.
- Birthday/Birthplace: August 7 1988 in Santa Cruz, California!
- Best Friends: Isaac and Lindsay.
- Body Part on the opposite sex: I never had a favorite man-part (ahh!) but I like Isaac's lips, jaw, and ass. HAHAHA!
- Best feeling in the world: Love is great, seriously. It's totally NOT overrated!
- Best weather: Sunny but not too hot. I don't like to sweat too much and hate when it's so hot you can't move.
- Been on stage?: Yes. A couple times. A long time ago.
- Believe in yourself?: Sometimes.
- Believe in life on other planets: Well there could be, I'm open.
- Believe in miracles: Something like that.
- Believe in Magic: Illusions and "magical events".
- Believe in Religion: I believe religions exist, obviously! Strange question.
- Believe in Santa: No.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: I think about it, but don't have an answer.

C

- Car: I have one.
- Candy: I love it all!!!!!!!
- Cried in school: Yes, I'm a cry baby.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate most of the time.
- Chinese/Mexican: That's a hard one. Mexican is always good but I do love Chinese.
- Cake or pie: Cake.
- Country to visit: I would like to visit England for obvious reasons.

D

- Day or Night: Depends on what for. Normally day but night is nice too. :)
- Dream vehicle: I don't have one. Something nice and not too big.
- Dance: I only really do joke dancing. I can't dance.
- Dance in the rain?: Never really think about doing it but I've done it before.
- Do the splits?: Hell no. My knees have always been bad and last time I tried that was in middle school and my knee popped out of place! I am too afraid to try again because that's a HORRIBLE position to be in when your knee goes out.

E

- Eggs: Scrambled with bits of bacon or over easy. I don't like how most people cook them though so I have to do them myself... or my mom does.
- Eyes: I have them, yes. They are some greenish grayish Idontknowish coloer.
- Everyone has an: ass.
- Ever failed a class?: Yes.

F

- First crush: I think it was a guy name Jeff.
- Full name: Melody Nonyo Bezwax!
- First thoughts waking up: Ahh I didn't mean to sleep until 9!

G

- Greatest Fear(s): I don't want to think about it, I have so many.
- Goals: I have a bunch of those too. Don't know if they are goals as much as hopes though.
- Gum: I used to chew it all the time but now it's annoying. I still chew it on rare occasions.
- Get along with your parents?: Mom moreso.
- Good luck charm: Don't have one. Isaac's pretty charming though and he makes me feel lucky.

H

- Hair Colour: Brown with a tint of auburn. Haven't dyed it in a while.
- Height: 5′2″
- Happy: For the most part!
- Holiday: I like Halloween, it's fun normally.
- How do you want to die: Old and happy.
- Health freak?: Not really. It's not like I will just eat any junk I want but I don't really make as much effort as I should to eat right.
- Hate: The way so many people seem to view the world and other people. I hate how hateful so many people are.

I

- Ice Cream: I LOVE IT ALL.
- Instrument: I love when Isaac plays guitar but I don't play anything.

J

- Jewelery: I have mostly cheap stuff from Icing or places like that. The thing I wear more than anything is my engagement ring, obviously.
- Job: Crap inventory taker person.

K

- Kids: Don't have them but want them in the future. But not until we are financially and mentally completely ready. Don't want to be stupid about it. Things will happen as they happen though, no matter how we plan it.
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate.
- Keep a journal?: Used to but about mid-2008 I finished my last one and stated that I was done. I don't have a need for it anymore. I have 4 old ones though that are full.

L

- Longest Car Ride: Probably just the ones to California or Washington but I was young when we went on those so they ALL felt like days.
- Love: is good.
- Letter(s): As in of the alphabet or mail? I still write an occasional one to Isaac in the mail but everything it pretty much done online now.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Oh yeah.
- Love at first sight: No.

M

- Milk flavour: Chocolate. How many are there?
- Movie: Don't have a favorite.
- Mooned anyone?: Yeah when I was younger.
- Marriage: Getting there.
- Motion sickness?: Only if I already feel sick.
- McD’s or BK: BK I guess... or NEITHER.

N

- Number of Siblings: 7
- Number of Piercings: Ears
- Number: Don't have a favorite. Don't have a point.

O

- Overused Phrases: I don't know
- One phobia: Barf

P

- Place you’d like to live: Anywhere nice and isn't too expensive.
- Perfect Pizza: I love when some places make pepperoni on the pizza curl up and get crispy on the edges.
- Pepsi/Coke: Pepsi.

Q

- Quail: WTF?

R

- Reason to cry: I always find reasons to cry. Whether it is something serious and extremely cry-worthy or a freakin' Pampers commercial.
- Reality T.V.: America's Next Top Model WHICH IS ON SOON!
- Radio Station: Oldies.
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: Yeah.

S

- Song: Lots.
- Salad: GREEN with either Italian or Caesar dressing.
- Shrimp?: Fried, maybe.
- Sport?: I don't know!
- Skipped school: Only with my mom KNOWING. I did cut a PE Class once with Lindsay and we instead walked to McDonalds. I got ice-cream. Yeah, skip PE and eat crap! Hey, we walked at least.
- Slept outside: Yes, I love sleeping outside but not when it's cold.
- Seen a dead body?: Only of animals.
- Shower Daily?: Normally unless I'm having a lazy day.
- Sing well?: No!
- Stuffed Animals?: Have one, I think. Well it's a puppet.
- Single/Group dates: Single with Isaaaaaaaac!
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries though I'm beginning to like blueberry things again.
- Scientists need to invent: Lots of things! Can't think now. But if I was willing to take my time, I'd think of PLENTY of things.

T

- Time for bed: Whenever. Depends on when/if I work the next day.
- Thunderstorms: Are fun sometimes!
- TV: is kind of lame most of the time.
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: No.

U

- Unpredictable: Isaac just said, "I'd say so!"

V

- Vegetable you hate: Green beans. Unless they are the unhealthy kinds from a can. Those are good, I think.
- Vegetable you love: There are so many!
- Vacation spot: Oregon coast!

W

- Weakness: Cakes, cookies, candy, chocolates! Anything crap for me!
- When you grow up: I will be older.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: Well Lindsay and I have the most in common but we don't really act like each other. We are all different.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Isaac.
- Worst feeling: When I want to give up on everything, including myself.
- Wanted to be a model: Yes, but then I realized I wasn't growing any taller. I still think it'd be fun.. if I was photogenic, taller, and thinner.
- Worst weather: When it's so windy it hurts COMBINED with freezing air.

X

-X-Ray: I've had them done to my teeth.

Y

-Year now?: 2009
-Yellow: Is a fun color but can't wear it!

Z

- Zoo animal: Monkeys are cool! Kings of the swings. Isaac wanted me to say that.
- Zodiac sign: Leo.

Last person who:

- Saw you cry: Isaac.
- Went to the movies with you: Probably Lindsay. It's been bloody AGES. Dark Knight.
- You went to the mall with: Myself. But before that it was my niece.
- Went to dinner with: I haven't gone out to dinner in so long. I don't even remember.
- Talked to on the phone: Lindsay I think.
- Made you laugh: Isaac.